enlarging my heart

i can't really blog as much as i'd like about work here... you can ask me if you'd like :) but it's truly been such a great learning experience, though at times it's really been quite a struggle, and i see God's hand all over my life and in everything He's been doing.

each morning as i go to work i wonder about God's purposes for me that day. usually i pray a simple prayer offering myself to be used as His vessel, to stand for righteousness, to speak forth whatever He wants me to say and to do whatever He wants me to do.

however as i think over things when i'm driving back home i usually realize then the opportunities i've missed. i've driven home quite upset a number of times too :)

there've been many occasions where i've struggled with doing the difficult right thing (usually involving more time and effort) or saying the WHOLE truth (sometimes not explaining or giving all the information is less complicated) versus what is easier and less hassle but not necessarily pleasing to God. i've been super challenged with integrity and serving and working as if for the Lord when noone else is looking and when everyone else isn't. but end of the day... it's all about Jesus. He matters, and people matter.

standing up for what's right isn't always easy. standing up for your faith, standing up for "undeserving" people, trying to explain yourself, trying to change culture... many times it's like a breath of fresh air when I get to read the Word of God during my lunch break and let it speak life and strength into my spirit.

but i've seen God's faithfulness and how He slowly changes things and gives me little opportunities as I stay faithful and trust His Word. i have to remind myself many times during the day that it's not about me, not about my rights, but about how much God loves every single person, about how He gave me life so that I can bring life to others, of how much He has forgiven me and shown me grace; enabling me to forgive and also show grace... many times i am also reminded about the humility and servanthood of Jesus and feel convicted to follow His example, to serve those who do not necessarily "deserve" it. i've had to be braver to speak out about Him, to defend His name, to speak up for others, to even hold my tongue at times.

some days are longer and more challenging than others, but there never fails to be moments where i can smile and chuckle to myself, where i can stand in awe of God's faithfulness and favour, where i can continue to believe that i am right where He wants me to be and to trust Him in all things.

there are so many people who are in bondage and afflicted, many who i know are longing for relief and breakthrough, who wonder about the reasons why and whether they'd ever be completely well... looking for meaning, for reasons, for hope. i've seen people teary as they talk about life and how meaningless it all seems... i've seen people who are hopeless about their addictions. in those times my heart really aches and i really feel challenged and wonder how my faith relates to all this? i wonder what else i can do/say (without crossing all legal and professional boundaries... esp since i'm not even the pharmacist) but i know for sure that my God is the Healer, life giver, bondage breaker, and that He has the power and love to make all things and all people whole. i pray that i can faithfully share His love even if it's only through the smallest actions and words, that i can also faithfully and secretly? pray for them, that i can encourage them and help them, even just by letting them know that they are not alone.

people. always all about people, because they are on God's heart. i pray God continues to enlarge my heart for people, even those who abuse and take advantage of me, even those who seemingly do not deserve grace, every rude and even dirty and smelly customers... that i can genuinely show His love and that He will continue to use my life as i keep laying it down.