peeling away those layers, breaking down those walls

a lesson from the eagle by Betty Spooner

when the eagle's mighty wing feathers become heavy with oil and dirt, and its beak and talons become calcified and brittle, it retires to a hiding place in a cave or rock, out of reach of predators, and experiences a period of renewal.

with its great beak, it pulls out its mighty wing feathers one by one, then it extracts each claw. finally, it begins to smash its beak against the rocks, until it too is gone.

left defenseless, this peerless, unique bird waits patiently until beak, talons and feathers have regrown before it emerges in its renewed condition, stronger than before.

every new creature in Christ experiences renewal as he lays aside those things inconsistent with the life of faith. as he stands bare before the Lord, stripped of all that would keep him from leaning on Him alone, his strength is restored.



it feels like a season of renewal. for many of us, especially myself.

i finally understand that the place where God wants me to be is a place where i've laid aside, put down, stripped myself bare of all the things that prevent me from just relating to and loving God alone.

it requires a lot of trust. for the eagle to remove all that and be defenceless, and to believe that he won't get hurt, he really needs to trust...

we can trust God. we can come bare before Him and really trust Him to help us come out stronger.

at Simply Woman (you've got what it takes!) this year, one of the main things that Belle shared about was how there are layers that we build up around ourselves due to our past experiences and different beliefs. and she shared how God desires to help us peel away those layers so that we can relate to others, and to Him in a deep intimate way.

since i was young i've always strived for this image of perfection. i always felt that i needed everything in my life to be perfect, in my control. i always felt that i needed to perform and live up to expectations to gain/deserve approval and love.

i equated my worth and security with how perfect my life was.
things have gotten better over the years. God has been working on my identity and how He sees me.

but there has been something deep that i subconsciously believed, that God has been trying to help me see this year.

i actually equated how much God loves me and favours me, and whether i'm walking in His will, with how perfect my life is.

i felt that God really loved me, that i was complete, and happy only when everything in my life seemed to fall into place. hence i'd always try to control everything in my life that i could, put these walls around what my identity and security hinged upon.

i think when i was growing up in my family, i'd somehow equated how much i was loved by how perfect i was. so i lived with this desire to please, to be perfect. i'd unconsciously build these protective walls around myself to appear perfect, to try to live up to expectations, so that i wouldn't lose the approval and love of those i really valued.

and it flowed over into my relationships with others, (i know God wants to help me in this too!) but most importantly, with God. i saw Him as someone who would also withdraw His love and favour if i didn't live up to His expectations.

so when things happened over the years that would shatter my 'perfect' image of myself and my life, i'd come undone. i'd still believe in my head that God loved me, but in reality and in my heart, i would try to fix things, to gain back God's love and approval. i was just hanging on and persevering until things became perfect again. i would believe that i'd done something wrong and feel that i was not complete.

what Belle shared was amazing. it helped me realize- not just with my head, but with my heart- that God desires to peel away those layers, help me let down those walls, because He is a God who is perfect. He will never hurt me. I don't have to live up to expectations. He will always love me and I AM His highly favoured daughter. and i believe from there- from receiving and being renewed in the perfect love and approval of God, i can be healed in those other relationships too, that no longer will there be fear of rejection, and desire for approval.

i look forward to what is to come... though it will be one heck of a journey.