24th year milestone

it's like half an hour before i officially turn TWENTY-FOUR!

someone mentioned that a lot of people seem to get really emotional and melancholic before their birthday... i don't really believe that but i did have one of the most difficult weeks ever last week.

this is my honest sharing.... i hope you are not too shocked :S

it felt like the very foundations of my being were being shaken, and a lot of my motivations and convictions were brought to light. i knew it was time for me to examine my life and all i stood for, why i am here, why i was heading where i was heading, what i was fighting for and why. i needed to examine where i had placed and built my security and hopes on, yet i couldn't bring myself to do it.
i was miserable for 2 consecutive days, and did not want to do anything but avoid God and vegetate. finally, thanks to the support of amazing loved ones, i chose. i repented, took deep breaths, picked myself up and started rebuilding.

i'm glad it happened. it was so painful and so difficult, and i feel like i'm revisiting different convictions, promises, and all that again but i'm rebuilding stronger, and deeper.

i went off to the beach on monday (the best place in the world! my paradise) and i was just reminded of how good God has been to me. how faithful He's been. not just the amazing things He's done, but what i've come to know about Him- He is good. He is faithful. He is amazing. He is all powerful, all knowing, holy, righteous, just, loving, sacrificial, patient, compassionate... it goes on.

did i mention i have the most amazing family and friends to do life with and to run this race alongside? they are God-sent angels! never failed to encourage and support me and to believe in me! :)


so i'm choosing, i'm living, i'm fighting, i'm determined. to do it right. to build right. to get my heart right, my motivations right, to live for God just because of who He is, what He's done, and nothing else.
it doesn't matter what happens or doesn't happen. or what He blesses me with or doesn't. about my career, living arrangements, finance, relationships, etc.

i choose God. and i'm determined to pursue after Him and His will and destiny for my life. and to deal with whatever i need to, face whatever i need to, not let anything hinder me from fully giving myself to Him and His purposes in the coming year.


that's my birthday prayer.


You have spoken in the sunset
You have whispered words of comfort in the wind
You know everything about me
Before my life began , You held me in Your hand

You have walked these roads before me
You know all the pain a broken heart can bear
Won't You help me now to trust You
Every single day, I'll follow in Your way

I live for You, I live for You
When I think of all Your love has done for me
I live for You
Never looking back to what life used to be
I live for You
And everything I ever thought was mine
I'd give it all away to have You in my life


I see You in the crystal waters
And I have felt You in the dark of my despair
You have shown a love unfailing
River running deep
That's welling up in me


I know it's gonna take a sacrifice
I want to see the world through Your eyes
I'll live for You the rest of my life
- live for you, rachel lampa