i can choose

i was thinking about blogging today at work, so it seems as good a time to blog. :) also, thanks to a friend for the motivation as she casually mentioned on sunday how long it's been since i last posted! (thanks grace for being my secret reader ;))

i've come to a deeper conviction that God is much more interested in who and what we've become compared to what we've accomplished for Him.

society and the world is very much driven by the external. success is defined by what we've accomplished, our net worth and our competence.

yet the Bible instructs us repeatedly to guard our hearts. it tells us that God searches our hearts and minds in order to reward us accordingly for what we've done. it says in that famous verse in 1 Samuel that man looks at the external appearance but God looks at the heart.

it's been a year of examining and rebuilding the foundations of my life. i've faced all sorts of pressure in terms of my identity, my convictions, my call... to my dismay i've found on different occasions how much i've conformed to the pattern of the world and focused on doing good to look good, rather than focus on leading and growing from the inside out.

i've always enjoyed reading about Elijah's life. Especially the parts in 1 King 18-19. I've laughed and cried and sniggered at his drama. But there have been times this year I felt that I could almost identify (scarily enough). It's especially where Elijah has a massive victory at Mount Carmel, prophesies and sees rain in a time of severe drought, then flees for his life and seems to give up. Elijah is overwhelmed by the current circumstances and almost seems to forget what just happened.

I've prayed some dangerous prayers and now I can see God is taking me up on my request to deal with whatever issues I may have in my heart. Healing, strengthening, dealing and mending... In my weakness and brokenness I was reminded that God has extended His grace to me many times as He did to Elijah then. He's provided for me physically, emotionally and spiritually at different moments when I was just completely spent and overwhelmed. And I know He will continue to do so! :) His grace is truly sufficient.

But today God whispered very clearly..

I can't change the past, my circumstances, and I can't choose my weaknesses or how people respond. But i CAN choose how I respond.

Habakkuk 3. "...Yet I will rejoice..."

One of the biggest revelations this year was simple. But I am still learning it :)

Joy is a choice. We can choose not to let circumstances or the enemy crush our spirit and our joy. Instead, may I learn that the joy of the Lord is truly my strength! :)