until i see You

nurture

2012-01-20T20:16:00.003+10:00

been reading a great book called "nurture" by lisa bevere.

it talks about how women were made to give and receive nurture.

"is it possible that we are too busy surviving to assure that the vulnerable among us thrive? are we too guarded, wounded, and afraid to open our lives to the nurture of others?

what can be done to reestablish this language of the feminine heart?

it is time women are healed and empowered."

as i have been reading this book, certain chapters have made me just cry continuously- to the point that i could not read my book in the plane as it started to alarm those around me :)

it was a revelation into something that God has been trying to awaken in me: an insight into this generation's culture (the meeting of MY own needs, without giving anything back, being afraid of giving too much of ourselves, so never truly connecting) and what it means to truly FLOURISH.

i've been too busy trying to survive-to meet my needs according to what culture says, rather than taking the time to do what i've been called and MADE to do. the deepest parts of my soul and spirit knows this well- rather than withhold compassion, i know God has made me to be a life-giving channel of unconditional, sacrifical, strong, not weak; compassion.

we are called to more than need-meeting.

we are called to build lives and relationships.

there is a chapter early in the book where lisa describes having made some divine connections with other daughters and mothers. for some of them, it was just a hug, a wave, a short blessing. for some it was a hurting girl who read her book and connected to lisa in a way that was truly divine.

she realized that she could play a role as a mother- because many mothers (and fathers) are needed to successfully raise the daughters and sons of this generation.

one of my visions for this year is for God to do what He needs to do in my life and heart to truly be a woman who nurtures others.

God, i know sometimes it's scary to think i could give too much of myself away. but You fill my cup! and so let the compassion flow. permeate and overflow! fill me and use me!

sometimes the greatest present we can give to others is a belief in them, in their destiny, in their calling.

there is a great need to speak life, hope, strength into our generation!

but if we're too "busy"...

it's not enough to intercede but to meet the needs of the people God brings into our paths!

when God relates people, it is for increased personal strength, spiritual growth, and kingdom purposes.

may i intercede even more faithfully and boldly this year, but also reach out and nurture the ones around me, and to be one who continually is a vessel of His life-giving breath to others!

cambodia

2012-01-05T19:39:00.005+10:00

it's been a real eye opening trip so far.

since our last trip to thailand, i don't think i've been exposed to another third world country like this.

in phnom penh the first thing that greeted me was the crazy driving- on the wrong side of the road! (or is it right? haha) and just thousands or millions of motorcycles and bicycles, with up to 4 people riding together! school girls riding as well without helmets! hardly lines on the road, just driving anywhere and everywhere, roundabouts are chaos, and yet everyone seems to know what to do- amazingly enough!

crossing the road is pretty fun too- you realize that the motorists learn to avoid you and you can just cross easily enough!

there seem to be sooo many homeless and street kids? we saw the same kids begging a few days in a row (and not at school!), burn victims and amputees just wandering around asking for money...

went to some awesome sites like the royal palace and national museum (amazing architecture and history!), russian markets (crazy maze of really close together stores where you have to squeeze your way through and haggle), and besides staying in a great hotel, we went to some really great restaurants for french and khmer food- like Comme a la Maison and Khmer surin.

the highlights for me so far included a shop called "Daughters of Cambodia" where girls who'd been involved in sex trafficking were saved and then empowered by teaching them different skills and by working there. we also wandered by a shop which related to empowering HIV infected people.

The other place that stood out to me was the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum. It was one of the detention centres during the Khmer Rouge in 1975-1979, where 2 million people were killed. If you walk around Cambodia, you'll notice that the population is mostly young. The generation of people from 40 to 60 seems to be missing! The educated, young, and even old were named as "criminals" and brutally tortured and murdered. The Khmer Rouge did not believe/allow for education so the detention centre was a school that was turned into a prison. They tortured and murdered thousands there- apparently only 7 were known to survive.

In most of the buildings the classrooms were turned into individual cells, but there were also rooms where 100s of people were squashed into a small space. it's not difficult to sense the despair and anguish that was felt there. how could such people regard others that way? where was the basic regard for human life? it was hard to hold myself together especially when i went to some of the rooms where makeshift prisons were constructed to hold individuals- there were chains on the floor too to hold them in, and barbed wire across the balconies and windows to prevent them from attempting suicide.

so now i'm here in siem reap, a very touristy and awesome place, in another amazing resort and waking up early to go to angkor wat tomorrow...

i think i've realized how much i do enjoy and take comfort for granted. the places i've lived, the lifestyle we have... we are so blessed. the people here do live such a simple and hard life, and they have to fight their way to survive!

may i never take what i've been blessed with for granted... may i never take the love of Jesus for granted too. the other thing that really stands out is the hundreds of temples, buddhist and hindu statues EVERYWHERE. like everywhere. the religions and culture seem to be so intertwined.

i believe that the Gospel must and will be shared in this land and that disciples are to be made! but this is a prime example of where ministries like Compassion would make such a huge difference and be instrumental in showing the reality of Christ.

The most revered kings like Jayavarman VII were talked about as devout buddhists who were filled with compassion and built hospitals, fed the poor, etc.

All the more- as Christ followers, may the Church in Cambodia have the means and opportunity and passion to be hands and feet of Jesus!

my everything

2011-12-07T07:02:00.003+10:00

i'm absolutely loving making my way through their newest album live in chicago.

being ministered to and ministering unto Jesus... the presence of God. no other place, nothing else like.

reminds me that this season is really all about pressing into intimacy, pressing and leaning in into Him.

may this song be my anthem this summer!

you are my light, my breath of life, i trust in you

you fill my heart, set me apart, i'm found in you

you are my one desire

you are the holy fire that burns in me

the lover of my soul, God,

you don't let go, you made your home in me

you are my everything, all i need is you

and all that i have, all that i am is in you, it's in you

you overflow my heart and soul, wash over me

i feel you now, your love surrounds and covers me

you are my desire, you are my reward

you are my desire, all i'm living for

you are all i want, you are everything

you are my desire, come and burn in me

-my everything, jesus culture

the radiant bride

2011-11-28T22:13:00.002+10:00

Ephesians 3:10-11

"His intent was that now, through the Church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord."

The Church is not perfect, but it is beautiful. It is incredible...

It is the chosen instrument of God to be the hands and feet of Jesus to this world.

It continually blows my mind away what it says here two chapters later:

Ephesians 5:25-27 (i love these verses for so many other reasons!)

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

It's just so incredible how valuable the Church is to Jesus... the very fact that He GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER. It's such a revelation that that's how much He loves His Church. And also, He is coming back for a radiant church... which is why He is cleansing His Church and preparing her for the days ahead.

The Church in the end days will be a glorious, radiant Church... a Church that shines in the darkness. A Church that will stand for holiness and purity, that has been made more and more into His likeness, that will bring life and hope the way that He has given life through His sacrifice!

on a side note... how incredible is it that WE are the Church?!?! He gave up HIS LIFE for YOU and ME. So He is also transforming us more and more into His likeness!

2 Corinthians 3:18 "And we all, who with unveiled faces reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

So my prayer is that as I grow deeper and deeper in love with Jesus, I may also fall more and more in love with His Church.

May we all choose to build His glorious House above just our own houses!

Haggai 1:9 “Because of My House, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with your own house."

The Church is not there yet, but it will be!

The glory of this present House will be greater than the glory of the former House! Haggai 2:9

all that matters

2011-11-26T17:41:00.002+10:00

I'm alive for Your glory.
I'm alive to tell Your story.
Of all You are.

Let Your Kingdom come now.
Let Your will be done in my life.
Have Your way.

I live all for Your glory.
Your love and Your mercy.
I'm living for Your Name.

My whole life I'm living for You God.
My one love, You are the only one I seek.
I'm living for You, only for Your Name.
I'm living for You and the glory.
The glory of Your Name.

Jesus all that matters.
Is the glory of Your Name.

-planetshakers; all that matters

the power of a praying woman (or man)

2011-11-23T06:50:00.003+10:00

you reap what you sow.

this is a Biblical principle- it's not about karma!

just really struck by something i heard last night- keep sowing in the spirit, and you will reap a spiritual harvest.

my pastor was saying he realized one of the reasons why his family was so blessed was because his mum had been praying for each of them since they were born. 40 odd years...

wow. (yes i teared up)

sometimes we may think prayer is such background work; it's such mundane and tedious work.

and it is. it takes a lot to pray His will into being. intercessory prayer takes perseverance. it takes faith. it builds character.

and maybe some of us think, why pray? won't God's will be done anyway? but God has given us the privilege in partnering with Him. It's been shown countless times in the Bible- even when God initiates something, and desires of it to be done, He needs us still to ask. He needs us to partner with Him! God has CHOSEN to work THROUGH people.

Abraham had to ask of God not to destroy Sodom. Elijah had to pray 7 times for rain to come. Daniel fasted and prayed and the angel Gabriel was dispatched... the list goes on.

and in fact, God says He looks for those men and women who will stand in the gap and ask of Him to extend mercy (Ezekiel 22:30)

We are co-labourers with Him :)

prayer is just the beginning. when we pray, God can change lives, can change families, can change universities, can change cities, can change nations. prayer makes a difference.

may i be as faithful as that mum in standing in the gap! (another 25 year old prayer) :)

moving on to 25!

2011-11-03T22:15:00.005+10:00

random first thoughts as i am entering the last day of my life as a 24 year old!!!

what are some of the things i wish to do/see as a 25 year old? (ohno...twenty FIVE!)

-) God continue to grow and build me into the woman He has created me to be and live a life worthy of His calling

-) Improve and grow in loving my family and different friends more, mending and resolving issues

-) Being more prepared and stable in all seasons and pacing myself better (well-rounded in all areas)

-) Learning to lead beyond my comfort zone, even in new or more challenging areas or dimensions

-) Continuing to pursue growth internally and also increase my skills externally

-) Increasing my sphere of influence and making a greater impact at work and social circles

...to be continued.

destiny

2011-10-22T21:30:00.004+10:00

Joseph who appears in Genesis 37 is one of my favourite Bible characters.

It's because his whole story speaks about destiny- how despite the odds and circumstances there was a conviction, a knowing, a certainty in his heart that God had spoken a destiny over his life. he was able to then withstand and be faithful to God through all sorts of persecution, temptations and trials.

then he arrived at his destiny that he had dreamt about when he was a little boy- he was promoted to govern over Egypt. it wasn't that the destiny had then been reached and he could retire in happy clappy land for the rest of his life; it wasn't that he never had any other issues to deal with. i mean- he had to take care of an entire nation! but he was then living out his destiny.

many times we keep wanting to arrive at that point where we are anointed and positioned to live in that place of destiny like Joseph, because we think all the testing and trials stop then. truth is, there was so much more in store for him beyond that- blessings and trials!

but the whole point of the story is that God moulded and shaped and tested and built something in Joseph to live out his destiny. the whole point is that Joseph had a conviction that ran so deep that though he was sold into slavery by his own brothers and thrown into jail for a crime he didn't commit, he knew that God had His hand over his life. and THAT was how God set him up to live out his destiny and the purpose God had for him.

when i take a good look i see glimpses of how God is setting me up to live out my destiny (actually we are living it out right now! but i mean beyond this) and His purposes for the rest of my life. helps me trust, get a better perspective and be grateful for everything i go through! :)

may i continue to help others around me understand and see too!

i can choose

2011-10-04T22:02:00.004+10:00

i was thinking about blogging today at work, so it seems as good a time to blog. :) also, thanks to a friend for the motivation as she casually mentioned on sunday how long it's been since i last posted! (thanks grace for being my secret reader ;))

i've come to a deeper conviction that God is much more interested in who and what we've become compared to what we've accomplished for Him.

society and the world is very much driven by the external. success is defined by what we've accomplished, our net worth and our competence.

yet the Bible instructs us repeatedly to guard our hearts. it tells us that God searches our hearts and minds in order to reward us accordingly for what we've done. it says in that famous verse in 1 Samuel that man looks at the external appearance but God looks at the heart.

it's been a year of examining and rebuilding the foundations of my life. i've faced all sorts of pressure in terms of my identity, my convictions, my call... to my dismay i've found on different occasions how much i've conformed to the pattern of the world and focused on doing good to look good, rather than focus on leading and growing from the inside out.

i've always enjoyed reading about Elijah's life. Especially the parts in 1 King 18-19. I've laughed and cried and sniggered at his drama. But there have been times this year I felt that I could almost identify (scarily enough). It's especially where Elijah has a massive victory at Mount Carmel, prophesies and sees rain in a time of severe drought, then flees for his life and seems to give up. Elijah is overwhelmed by the current circumstances and almost seems to forget what just happened.

I've prayed some dangerous prayers and now I can see God is taking me up on my request to deal with whatever issues I may have in my heart. Healing, strengthening, dealing and mending... In my weakness and brokenness I was reminded that God has extended His grace to me many times as He did to Elijah then. He's provided for me physically, emotionally and spiritually at different moments when I was just completely spent and overwhelmed. And I know He will continue to do so! :) His grace is truly sufficient.

But today God whispered very clearly..

I can't change the past, my circumstances, and I can't choose my weaknesses or how people respond. But i CAN choose how I respond.

Habakkuk 3. "...Yet I will rejoice..."

One of the biggest revelations this year was simple. But I am still learning it :)

Joy is a choice. We can choose not to let circumstances or the enemy crush our spirit and our joy. Instead, may I learn that the joy of the Lord is truly my strength! :)

Your love makes it worth it all

2011-04-15T23:26:00.001+10:00

There is no love, sweeter than the love You pour on me
There is no song, sweeter than the song You sing to me
There is no place, that I would rather be
Than here at Your feet, laying down everything

All to You, I surrender
Everything, every part of me
All to You, I surrender
All of my dreams, all of me

If worship's like perfume, I'll pour mine out on You
For there is none as deserving of my love like You
So take my hand and draw me into You
I want to be swept away, lost in love for You

I surrender...

No turning back, I've made up my mind
I'm giving all of my life this time

Your love makes it worth it
Your love makes it worth it all
Your love makes it worth it all

arise and shine

2011-03-12T15:04:00.000+10:00

Oh for all the sons and daughters
Who are walking in the darkness
You are calling us to lead them back to You
We will see Your spirit rising
As the lost come out of hiding
Every heart will see this hope we have in You

His faithfulness

2011-02-09T21:13:00.000+10:00

Psalms 36:5
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

welcome to 2011

2011-01-05T11:29:00.008+10:00

it's 2011!

and this is an odd way to blog-start 2011, but i'm excited for all that God has in store for 2011, and i'm especially excited for the australian open, starting 17 jan!

i'm pretty sure i've blogged about Rafael Nadal before, but once again as i was reflecting...
i think i'm figuring out why i am such a loyal Rafa supporter.

he displays qualities that i admire and wish to grow in. i guess in a way, his resilience and what he's overcome and achieved reminds me and inspires me in my own journey... and my own hope to rise above and overcome!

i remember when he first appeared on the scene at 18. young, raw and determined.
he's sure come a long way- and what IS the secret to his success?

"Many things, of course, but above all a unrivaled mental toughness and unrelenting determination to keep getting better."

of course he's struggled, he's had dry spells, but he's come back fighting each time.
now, he's not just an expert on clay, he's proved it by completing a career grand slam at the age of 24 (my age!!!)- he's improved greatly and mastered all surfaces.
he brushed up his weaknesses: now he doesn't just have a good serve, he has one of the strongest serves; he is not just an amazing baseliner now but a really strong volleyer! and he has not allowed his knee tendinitis stop him from getting where he is today.

there are so many more impressive stats about Rafa, about what he's achieved just at this tender age of 24, but i think what is the most impressive (and makes me seriously disdain federer who is a sore loser!) is his humility off court: he ALWAYS gives credit to his opponents and encourages them! now THAT is the mark of a true champion.

to sum it up, he's never allowed what people said about him to limit who he can be, and how he could improve. i think i really admire his determination, fearlessness, and desire to improve. it inspires me no end to have seen him fight back time and time again.

this year, i want to continue my journey in God to be a determined and strong fighter. one who will not allow weaknesses, criticism, fear, lies, disappointments.. hold me back from being all that i can be. to believe that God can make me even beyond what i could ever imagine i could be, and to live the life of victory as the heir of Christ, as His child, as His friend that God intends for me to live!

i want to grow such a mental toughness, unwavering resilience; in trusting God, in praising Him, in staying in joy, in claiming His Word... to be able to come back fighting time and time again, re-infused with hope and strength in God, fresh desire to keep growing, in my own personal life, and for the ministries in my hands and the people i lead. and i want to do it all while continually maintaining a posture of humility; before man, and before God.

let the fire burn!

24th year milestone

2010-11-18T23:17:00.006+10:00

it's like half an hour before i officially turn TWENTY-FOUR!

someone mentioned that a lot of people seem to get really emotional and melancholic before their birthday... i don't really believe that but i did have one of the most difficult weeks ever last week.

this is my honest sharing.... i hope you are not too shocked :S

it felt like the very foundations of my being were being shaken, and a lot of my motivations and convictions were brought to light. i knew it was time for me to examine my life and all i stood for, why i am here, why i was heading where i was heading, what i was fighting for and why. i needed to examine where i had placed and built my security and hopes on, yet i couldn't bring myself to do it.
i was miserable for 2 consecutive days, and did not want to do anything but avoid God and vegetate. finally, thanks to the support of amazing loved ones, i chose. i repented, took deep breaths, picked myself up and started rebuilding.

i'm glad it happened. it was so painful and so difficult, and i feel like i'm revisiting different convictions, promises, and all that again but i'm rebuilding stronger, and deeper.

i went off to the beach on monday (the best place in the world! my paradise) and i was just reminded of how good God has been to me. how faithful He's been. not just the amazing things He's done, but what i've come to know about Him- He is good. He is faithful. He is amazing. He is all powerful, all knowing, holy, righteous, just, loving, sacrificial, patient, compassionate... it goes on.

did i mention i have the most amazing family and friends to do life with and to run this race alongside? they are God-sent angels! never failed to encourage and support me and to believe in me! :)

so i'm choosing, i'm living, i'm fighting, i'm determined. to do it right. to build right. to get my heart right, my motivations right, to live for God just because of who He is, what He's done, and nothing else.
it doesn't matter what happens or doesn't happen. or what He blesses me with or doesn't. about my career, living arrangements, finance, relationships, etc.

i choose God. and i'm determined to pursue after Him and His will and destiny for my life. and to deal with whatever i need to, face whatever i need to, not let anything hinder me from fully giving myself to Him and His purposes in the coming year.

that's my birthday prayer.

You have spoken in the sunset
You have whispered words of comfort in the wind
You know everything about me
Before my life began , You held me in Your hand

You have walked these roads before me
You know all the pain a broken heart can bear
Won't You help me now to trust You
Every single day, I'll follow in Your way

I live for You, I live for You
When I think of all Your love has done for me
I live for You
Never looking back to what life used to be
I live for You
And everything I ever thought was mine
I'd give it all away to have You in my life

I see You in the crystal waters
And I have felt You in the dark of my despair
You have shown a love unfailing
River running deep
That's welling up in me

I know it's gonna take a sacrifice
I want to see the world through Your eyes
I'll live for You the rest of my life
- live for you, rachel lampa

He's never given up

2010-11-09T00:55:00.002+10:00

Our Story: "Never Given Up" from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

Your love is unending
No matter where I've been
And the depths of Your grace
Covers all my mistakes
It wipes away my sin

You gave Yourself for me
To show You adore me
And how precious Your love
Covers all that I've done
And still Your pursuing

You have never given up
Never given up
You run to me
You have never given up
Never given up
You catch me

We know, You will never let us go
Our hope, we will never be alone

peeling away those layers, breaking down those walls

2010-10-30T17:30:00.006+10:00

a lesson from the eagle by Betty Spooner

when the eagle's mighty wing feathers become heavy with oil and dirt, and its beak and talons become calcified and brittle, it retires to a hiding place in a cave or rock, out of reach of predators, and experiences a period of renewal.

with its great beak, it pulls out its mighty wing feathers one by one, then it extracts each claw. finally, it begins to smash its beak against the rocks, until it too is gone.

left defenseless, this peerless, unique bird waits patiently until beak, talons and feathers have regrown before it emerges in its renewed condition, stronger than before.

every new creature in Christ experiences renewal as he lays aside those things inconsistent with the life of faith. as he stands bare before the Lord, stripped of all that would keep him from leaning on Him alone, his strength is restored.

it feels like a season of renewal. for many of us, especially myself.

i finally understand that the place where God wants me to be is a place where i've laid aside, put down, stripped myself bare of all the things that prevent me from just relating to and loving God alone.

it requires a lot of trust. for the eagle to remove all that and be defenceless, and to believe that he won't get hurt, he really needs to trust...

we can trust God. we can come bare before Him and really trust Him to help us come out stronger.

at Simply Woman (you've got what it takes!) this year, one of the main things that Belle shared about was how there are layers that we build up around ourselves due to our past experiences and different beliefs. and she shared how God desires to help us peel away those layers so that we can relate to others, and to Him in a deep intimate way.

since i was young i've always strived for this image of perfection. i always felt that i needed everything in my life to be perfect, in my control. i always felt that i needed to perform and live up to expectations to gain/deserve approval and love.

i equated my worth and security with how perfect my life was.
things have gotten better over the years. God has been working on my identity and how He sees me.

but there has been something deep that i subconsciously believed, that God has been trying to help me see this year.

i actually equated how much God loves me and favours me, and whether i'm walking in His will, with how perfect my life is.

i felt that God really loved me, that i was complete, and happy only when everything in my life seemed to fall into place. hence i'd always try to control everything in my life that i could, put these walls around what my identity and security hinged upon.

i think when i was growing up in my family, i'd somehow equated how much i was loved by how perfect i was. so i lived with this desire to please, to be perfect. i'd unconsciously build these protective walls around myself to appear perfect, to try to live up to expectations, so that i wouldn't lose the approval and love of those i really valued.

and it flowed over into my relationships with others, (i know God wants to help me in this too!) but most importantly, with God. i saw Him as someone who would also withdraw His love and favour if i didn't live up to His expectations.

so when things happened over the years that would shatter my 'perfect' image of myself and my life, i'd come undone. i'd still believe in my head that God loved me, but in reality and in my heart, i would try to fix things, to gain back God's love and approval. i was just hanging on and persevering until things became perfect again. i would believe that i'd done something wrong and feel that i was not complete.

what Belle shared was amazing. it helped me realize- not just with my head, but with my heart- that God desires to peel away those layers, help me let down those walls, because He is a God who is perfect. He will never hurt me. I don't have to live up to expectations. He will always love me and I AM His highly favoured daughter. and i believe from there- from receiving and being renewed in the perfect love and approval of God, i can be healed in those other relationships too, that no longer will there be fear of rejection, and desire for approval.

i look forward to what is to come... though it will be one heck of a journey.

footnotes in the journey

2010-10-05T16:31:00.004+10:00

how do i articulate what an adventure it is to walk with Jesus?

- this season has been humbling, but very good. i've been a nomad for more than half a year, been dependent more and more on God to provide for my daily needs, learning to live simply. been through such testing times. but you realize that God is truly all you need when God is all you have.

- it IS possible to be connected to God 24/7. I'm growing in confidence that I CAN be a carrier of His presence and anointing. I WANT to be constantly in His presence. There's no better place.

- what I think is impossible is really nothing to God. like really really. my impossible circumstances in this season are merely an opportunity for Him to show me who He is and how great He is.

- i really don't understand the intensity of the spiritual battle sometimes. the enemy does try really hard to discourage me. it's amazing how we can so easily believe the lies that undermine our identity, our worth, our purpose in God. but as always, i am persevering and growing my "good" stubbornness. i am growing my spiritual muscles! :)

- the Holy Spirit is amazing. how He can speak to us and through us is phenomenal! these are like the days that Acts 2 talks about- a wave of the Holy Spirit being poured out afresh on us. it's so exciting to see spiritual gifts being developed and people moving more in the spirit. i am believing for the young men and women to rise up and speak prophetically, have supernatural boldness to share the Gospel, for signs and wonders!

- the where and the when isn't as important when i know the "what". there are still so many important decisions to make about the future. i keep asking God about where and when, when i should have been asking Him about what He has in store for me, about His purpose in my life. When i understand the purpose and the call He has over my life, the where and the when doesn't seem so important anymore. As long as i'm walking in His will and obeying, i'm sure He'll take care of the where, when, and especially- the HOW.

enough

2010-09-01T12:28:00.002+10:00

very powerful words from an article written by Jaeson Ma :)

If I never saw the desires of my heart fulfilled, if I never got those things in life that I really wanted, if things never did turn out the way I would like to have planned, if my hopes and dreams were never realized, I would be okay.

Not because I want to be defeated, but because indeed just knowing God, and having a relationship with Him was more than enough.

i need you more

2010-08-22T01:24:00.002+10:00

you're not a God who is aloof

you're not far off, watching from a distance

you wait with arms outstretched

you never give up, and you're ever faithful

you care about my every thought

you desire for all of me

there's not a friend like you, not a lover like you, not a king like you,

not a saviour like you, not a father like you

there has never been, and there will never be,

anyone like you

you mean more to me than the air i breathe

you are my everything

i need you more every single day

you're all that i want

to all my awesome girlfriends! :)

2010-08-14T22:49:00.007+10:00

mum forwarded this email to me... :) thanks mum!

Ladies, Girlfriend Time is Good for your Health!

(i.e. excuse to catch up, have coffee, dinner, etc. more!!! call me)

The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman; whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this "quality girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being.

Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities.

They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going.

Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes.

But their feelings? -- rarely. Women do it all the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged--not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health!

So let's toast to our friendship with the women in our lives. Evidently it's very good for our health!!

So Girls, here's a toast to our Friendship!

be still

2010-08-09T18:12:00.006+10:00

i find one of the hardest things to do is to be quiet and still for more than 10 minutes, especially to wait on God! (funny that my recent post was titled along these lines too)

it's funny how we sometimes feel that because being still and waiting seems so unproductive. that it's so hard to do because it feels like we're not doing anything... not praying, not working, etc.

it's like taking a rest. i feel guilty sometimes because it doesn't feel productive!

the reality is... we need to be still. like we need rest. when we're resting our body and all the cells get rid of the toxins, rejuvenate, recover for a brand new day.
we need to come before the Lord, and hear His voice. we need to soak in His presence. it's those times that we hear the still, small life-giving powerful nudge or whisper of the Holy Spirit. it's those times we yield to Him and allow Him to change and mould us- get rid of the spiritual junk and recover and rejuvenate in our souls.

a very good friend of mine (thanks for always pulling me up when i need it!) asked me yesterday- "cait, don't you like ever slow down?"

i was puzzled; i've been "slowing down" for quite a while now!

"not as in physically but in your soul"

that got me thinking. i'd been sharing at the time that i was thinking about my to-do list, my gcal, stuff i need to follow up on... (long list i fear!)

but i need to constantly remind myself to just be still. i think i've been telling myself this for more than a year now.

one of the things that was repeated many, many, MANY times last year and the year before was this thing about "waiting".

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait upon the Lord." Ps 27:14

To wait for the Lord in this season. To allow Him to continue to mould, shape, prune, refine... me.
Sometimes i wonder what exactly i'm waiting for. i wonder how long i'm supposed to wait. i know in this time i'm supposed to be still. to wait. to fix my eyes on Him.

it feels really hard at times because i just want to FIX something. to hurry up and CHANGE and perfect all my weaknesses (the countless numbers of them) so that i can stop feeling so useless and have to keep waiting.

but i'm reminded. be still.

Be still my soul, be still
Be still my soul, be still
Wait patiently upon the Lord
Be still my soul, be still
#karijobe

and biggest revelation in this time is that: waiting isn't passive.

in the Bible when it says "wait upon God" it's not a passive action where you stand around doing nothing. The "waiting" is described kinda like a servant waiting upon his master. it's active.
you're waiting on God. you're listening to His commands. you're obeying as He speaks. you're living to please the Master. in the waiting the heart changes. the person matures. the person really gets to know God, understand His faithfulness, understand truly who He is and what He wants to and can do.

so all of us out there waiting... take heart. wait on (upon) God and be still (in your soul).

food for thought

2010-08-04T22:15:00.003+10:00

good food for thought:

"God's mighty men and women lay aside the distractions of life to do exploits in the spiritual realm. Whether or not they become famous is beside the point."

Obviously it doesn't necessarily have to be about being famous, but is my motivation purely for God's will to be done, for "Thy Kingdom come"?

If so why don't i spend more time in the prayer closet and living life in just simple obedience to the HS?

be still and know He is God

2010-08-04T22:07:00.002+10:00

wow... drafted this 3 months ago! GOD is in CONTROL and we DO have victory in Him!
i did forget the Ha and Ho joke for a while... unsure i should bring that back though! :)

if you're like me... the world can seem crazy. earthquakes, tsunamis, murders happening every week, people dying through disease or disasters or tragedy, and there's people without jobs, people without homes... and the list goes on. things just seem out of control.

i really wish i could wipe all the tears, hold the people who are hurting, take away all problems, and i really wish it was as simple as me making a lame joke (not too difficult! Ho and Ha... ask me, heh) and then everyone would feel joy and hope. i wish things in my life were also perfect and simple and all under my control.

truth is, things ARE out of control. things AREN'T perfect. the problems ARE there. there's sorrow, death, pain.

but i came into the presence of God today. i came and read His Word today.

and let me correct what i said earlier. it's a fact- things are out of control. out of OUR control.
but the TRUTH is- God's in control.

things aren't perfect. but they don't have to be.

because God is perfect. and He is the same. He doesn't change. He is always good, He is always faithful, He is always trustworthy.

and this God- is in control. and though there's pain, death, sorrow; there's love, joy, peace and HOPE.

His timing is perfect. He works things together for our good. He is always with us. He will keep every promise He has made. He gives us strength when we are weak. He gives us hope when we feel hopeless.
His love never fails.

before the morning

2010-05-27T23:19:00.004+10:00

really funny how i turned on the radio today and heard part of this story and this beautiful song. it was divine timing!

i've been super encouraged by God and moved by the faith and hope in this song even in the midst of my own "pain" - it's reminded me of all the promises God has made over my life and who He is to me, what He's done...

life is not a snapshot. sometimes what we're going through is the pain before the morning :)

"Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending"

be blessed! :)

view story and song here

http://apps.facebook.com/joshwilson/

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

the child must grow up :)

2010-05-10T10:15:00.006+10:00

one of the biggest things God has been re-enforcing lately lately is that i cannot and should not put Him in a box!
God is so amazing. we are constantly learning new things about our Father everyday.

unfortunately, many times due to our fear, ignorance, stupidity and even just plain stubbornness we limit our perspectives and view of who God is and what He can do.

i was prophetically told "not to put God in a box" more than a year ago during the OC. i had no idea what it meant so i basically forgot all about it. Then i heard it repeated again and again this year and now i FINALLY! get what God has been trying to tell me.

i've been assuming that the level of faith i am living in and how i've seen God move and work in my life is just the way God always works.

now i realize i want to have simplicity of faith like a child but not be childish forever!

unfortunately, like a child, i've been asking God over and over again to "show me You're real and that You're leading me". i've been expecting God to teach me the same lesson again (for the three hundred sixty third time probably)

Countless times He has shown me and there's been so so many miracles and testimonies and yet i still come back to the same place of uncertainty and questions.

it's kind of like a child who needs to go on a journey asking her parent at every step "do you love me and will you go with me" over and over again and getting the same answer again and again. And rather than accept it, grow up and move on smarter, faster, more trusting and more confident and secure because of the parents' love, the child starts to become comfortable in expecting and being dependent on the answer at each step.

but what should happen is that when it is time for the journey to change, when the child has to grow up and take bigger steps, go through more exciting paths, times where the parent does not always have to give the answer, the child is able to do it and doesn't need to keep asking the same question all the time because she has grown up and has have greater faith, certainty and conviction because of what the parent has said and done in the past, and simply because of the relationship she now has with Him.
i didn't realize it until a few days ago, but i've been content and complacent in how God has been working in my life, and to just wait for God to answer my questions and move (the way He's done countless times in the past) and not shake me out of my comfort zone and take a leap of faith.

but finally i've come to the realization: be a child but not be childish.

in many ways the child must grow up. learn the lesson, enlarge the view of God, and rise to a new level of faith for greater adventures. out of comfort zone, stronger and greater conviction and trust!

simplicity of a child

2010-04-23T00:11:00.005+10:00

today is one of those days where i'm really blessed to be a child of God. many times we really take it for granted. but seriously, no one loves me as much as my Daddy in Heaven.

was talking tonight to an amazing woman of God :) and one of the things we were randomly talking about really hit me.

i want to know God and grow in walking with Him without an agenda.

no expectations i have to meet, no duties i need to perform, no roles i have to play, no needs i need met but just the simplicity of a child wanting to know her Father.

i want to know my Savior, i want to know what's on the heart of the One who loves me. i want to sing my love songs to Him and twirl around silly as He dances and sings over me.
wanting to know and love Him because He gave His life for me and loves me unreservedly.

i am loved by my Father. :)

i was given these verses in a prophecy about 4 years ago. the truth of it all hit me again today and i am FREE to be His child, to love Him, and not a slave to fear.

^{Romans 8:15-17}For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

you are for me

2010-04-16T11:53:00.002+10:00

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that You have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

pursuing Him

2010-04-15T00:33:00.006+10:00

it's so amazing to see what God is doing all over the world!

it's been such a special season for me- God is still teaching me heaps and i'm sure i'm gonna grow up a lot and have many testimonies to share at the end of it... :)

but i keep coming back to the big picture- it's amazing to see what God is doing all over the world, and in my family, in my church, and in my lifegroup.
i'm so blessed to be doing life with such an amazing bunch of young people! GO JUDAH 4!

back at the end of last year i remember God spoke to me about Joel 2/ Acts 2, about God pouring out His Spirit and i think it's been so amazing- the world IS shaking, and God IS moving things and stirring things...

revival is coming! He IS raising up a generation who will be holy, passionate, Spirit-filled and we are going to see great harvest! :) let me serve my generation fully... let us all fulfill His purposes in our generation!

one thing that God has really been challenging me though...

will i do whatever it takes to pursue His presence? to seek Him? to wait upon Him?
God is going to pour out His Spirit... but will we pursue Him and intimacy with Him above all else? be a people so desperate and hungry for His presence that we will be ready, holy and consecrated vessels for Him?

i want to be single-minded and single-hearted for God. great things are coming and i wanna be part of it. God... i want to live fully for You.

it's time to go back into the prayer closet. it's time to go back and wait upon Him with no agendas, just really loving Him and His presence, and really coming back to that place where all I desire for is Him. need to have that sort of determination that says God i'm not going to leave until i come into Your presence, until You show me Your glory!

He knows my name

2010-01-21T16:21:00.001+10:00

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in His hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

time to dream

2010-01-15T14:13:00.001+10:00

judah 4 was started because God gave a young girl a dream, a vision. and then He gave many others that same dream. they shared the dream, they believed in it, they were consumed by it. those men and women took steps of faith. and now look where we are today.

i believe in this generation there will rise up men and women who will dream and be used by God to see their families, high schools, universities, tutorial groups, soccer teams come to know Christ. to start Bible studies, to start life groups, to start churches. to eradicate poverty, abolish abortion, rescue orphans, cure cancer. to see their best friend, sister, brother, teacher come to know Christ. to see nations changed, people saved, the name of God lifted up and the church be answer.

i believe God is saying it’s time to dream again.

Bono with Bill Hybels

2009-12-28T11:56:00.003+10:00

saw this off the i-heart blog... Bono gives a heap of great insight- i never knew he was so spiritual or wise! (sorry Bono!)

but it's so true what he said- "don't ask God to bless what you're doing- find out what God is doing cos it is already blessed!"

i want to get on board with what God is doing in 2010 in our church and in Judah 4!

stepping into 2010: seize God opportunities

2009-12-25T22:06:00.005+10:00

wow! 2009 is drawing to a close and we're on the verge of entering 2010 :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Almost exactly a year ago I remember having a conversation/shepherding lesson with some girls I was doing life with. We were talking about what our regrets were in 2008.

And interestingly enough, our biggest regrets were not the things we had done WRONG but the things we had NOT DONE. It was the missed God-opportunities.

It was the excuses we'd made, the fears we'd allowed to hold us back, the inconveniences that we'd found too inconvenient to make us move out of our comfort zones!

This year looking back... I've found that it is the same.

There may have been times where I'd made a complete fool of myself, where I'd made the biggest mess up of things, done or said things that I regret... we all wish we could hit the rewind button or turn back time and do things differently.

But what's funny is that those experiences don't weigh as heavy on my heart as the times where God had SAID something to me, OPENED doors for me, PROMPTED me on something... and due to fear, laziness, selfishness, greed... I'd not done those things or even TRIED.

very recently I almost missed one of those God opportunities.

i almost missed out the chance to help someone in need (which i know will lead to more open doors into that person's life) and i'm not proud to say, what would have been my excuse if i'd not helped?

i was actually selfishly telling myself that i didn't really want to have a conversation with that person, because it would take too much of my time and energy. how ironic is it that i was busy planning how i could grow in God in 2010?? (well here's an opportunity to start now! God must have been saying)

thank God i heeded the Holy Spirit's prompting in my heart! or else i would seriously have regretted it the rest of 2010, which hasn't even started!!!

I really think it is something God is speaking (or SHOUTING to get my attention!) to me about before 2010 comes.

This is what I read last night before I went to bed (you know those times when you read something and you feel like it was written just for you just at the right time??)

"...I think our deepest regrets are missed opportunities. Action regrets taste bad, but inaction regrets leave a bitter aftertaste that lasts a lifetime. Inaction regrets haunt us because they leave us asking, "What if?" We wonder how our lives would have been different had we taken the risk or seized the opportunity.

Failing to take a risk is almost like losing a piece of the jigsaw puzzle of your life. It leaves a gaping hole. When we get to the end of our lives, our greatest regrets will be the missing pieces."

You know, I believe without a doubt God is sovereign and so He uses EVERY single experience, circumstance, every single day and moment for His plan in our lives. So whether there are regrets that we may have- it's not too late and you don't have to beat yourself up over it. God still can use every regret and missed opportunity for His plan in your life. God is a God of second chances and He is master at connecting the dots in ways we cannot understand!

So leave the past behind us, leave 2009 behind us and let me say exactly the same thing I said to those girls almost a year ago: let us seize every God ordained opportunity in 2010.

So make the decision in your heart now, and write it down somewhere, make it part of your new years' resolutions, post it on your wall!

Determine before God that you will NOT let any fear, any doubt, any inconvenience, any laziness, any selfishness hold you back when God speaks, prompts, opens that door.

i know sometimes we want to stick to schedules, plans and what is convenient. (personally being almost a control freak i LOVE it!)

But something that i have come to realize as I've allowed God to throw me in all sorts of situations over the years: the best memories, most unforgettable experiences are the ones we DIDN'T plan.

They're the ones we went out on a limb on, took a risk, followed the Holy Spirit's leading, or sometimes for our own good God left us without a choice.

And usually these are the ones we remember forever, and changed us forever.

So as you look forward to and seek God about 2010:
make those plans yes! but remember to leave some room, plan for the unplannable, be flexible, be courageous. walk in step with the Holy Spirit.

Have faith: embracing uncertainty. so in the new year let's together embrace the uncertainties and the opportunities even when they are out of your comfort zone, confronting your deepest fears, and inconvenient, and see how God will move far beyond what we can ever dream or imagine.

i know that's going to be one of my new year's resolutions :)

oh and if you need any motivation... watch that clip from "Facing the Giants"!

in order to fly

2009-12-10T19:54:00.003+10:00

mel sent me this story... i love it! it's SO true. was just talking to God about difficulties in life today and once again i'm so grateful for opportunities to grow in strength, wisdom, love... God is so good, and so wise. :)

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.

But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened!

In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength......... And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom......... And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity......... And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage......... And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love......... And God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors......... And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted........ I received everything I needed!

Trust in God. Always!

:)

2009-11-23T02:06:00.004+10:00

wow! i don't think i've sat down and written a post for a while now!

i keep being blown away by how 2009 has just flown by and it's been... what's the best word...
GOOD :)
challenging, maturing, amazing.

honestly, different times in the year i've wondered about decisions i've made and even questioned if i'd really heard the voice of God.

but looking back i see the hand of God all over my life.

it's incredible. countless times this year i've answered questions about myself, my life, my job, my journey with "haha... it's a long story..." and it's true. the past few years have been crazy but SO SO amazing. i am truly SO GRATEFUL for what God has been doing in and through my life. i would really not be where i am today if not for the exciting, and at times, painful breaking and moulding experiences that i've been through. me being here and making it this far is a testimony in itself and i know He's let it be this way so that i CAN be a testimony! :)

i can't share everything here but through the difficult times in finding a job, keeping my job (haha), getting my driver's license, passing my exams and assignments... God has been incredibly and incomparably faithful.

now i see how He's used every one of these experiences to teach me to trust Him in a greater measure. i see how He's used them to really mould my character, challenge my faith, reveal my true heart conditions and teach me about a sweet spirit and submission. God has spoken to me a number of times already the same message through different leaders- "wait on God. take heart. be still and know He is God" and i've tried my best (not without much struggling and wrestling though!) and i will continue to do my best in fixing my eyes on Him and allowing Him to do what He needs to!

i think about how i started off this year and the incredible struggles i faced in maintaining joy and clinging on Him in the midst of hopelessness and "persecution" if i may call it that and i'm really blown away. it was definitely God who sustained me and taught me such valuable lessons.

so looking back now, even through all that, i'm really humbled now by the opportunities i've had to touch and sow into different lives. i'm still learning a lot more about faithfulness, relying on the Holy Spirit, ministering through the brokenness, but i'm grateful God has moved through me even in my weaknesses and failures. He is so gracious! i've been soooo encouraged by different prophetic words that have been spoken over my life (also too sensitive and embarrassing too share here haha)- the main gist besides me being fragile, vulnerable and naive (haha) is that He has called me. and He is continuing to enlarge my heart, develop my giftings and prepare me for what He has in store (which i am so humbled by!) :) and also so grateful and privileged to be serving alongside such totally!!! gifted and amazing men and women in building His House.

i've officially moved to a different spiritual family (AMAZING BUNCH of PASSIONATE YOUNG PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!) with greater responsibilities now, finishing my pre-reg year, and i'm already anticipating the incredible journey it's going to be in 2010- but i know, i know, i know, God has His hand upon my life. there's definitely going to be faith stretching times (which is exciting!!!) but i have no doubt He is faithful. i want to see Him move so amazingly incredibly! and BLOW our minds! and know that it definitely hasn't been me but Him moving through me. my prayer for 2010 is for greater capacity, wisdom and faith!

the last thing that i can share is about the conference we've just had about a Synergized Church. the Word was just so timely and i believe the Spirit was just doing something special in lives and in His church. it confirmed many things God has been speaking to us about His Body and how each part is so important- how every single person in our lifegroup is important!!! how much POTENTIAL there is and how much POWER there is when His Body functions the way it is meant to.

God reminded me again and wrecked my heart again by the love He has for His Church. Ephesians 3:10 always blows me away- "His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms" and i'm reminded that His church is His bride. It just is so incredible that Jesus loved the Church so much that He gave Himself up for her!!! God has always intended His Church to be that shining light, to be His instrument, to be the hope in this dying world. It is where He intends there to be life transformation through the love of Christ- where He desires to restore dreams and hopes, redeem the past, bind the broken hearted, rescue and redeem. And there is really nothing else that compares to the privilege we have in building and investing into His bride!
I pray that He will continue to break our hearts for His church and to see with eyes of faith what He desires and WILL build it to be- there is nothing else worth pouring our lives into!

oh and i've turned 23!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. :) :) :)
yes i am so blessed and loved. seriously.... i appreciate and LOVE you all God has placed in my life heaps! :)

setting an example

2009-11-08T22:51:00.006+10:00

food for thought:

"when it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of the everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world... Worse, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and to the witness of individuals and the church."

which is why this post by a very inspiring 18 year old in awesome Judah 4 has blown me away!!! SO blessed beyond words and i truly believe that God is building a generation that will stand for PURITY and hold marriage SACRED as God intended!!! may we have as firm convictions about relationships and purity and may His Church set an EXAMPLE in this area about dating/courtship, godly relationships and godly marriages that reflect Christ's love for His bride!

the future...

2009-10-29T23:59:00.001+10:00

def looking forward to more of this...
yes i shall try to keep up :D

the generation, the revolution

2009-10-15T08:45:00.001+10:00

This is the generation,
We live devoted to your name

This is the revolution,
We will not leave this world the same

too many questions?

2009-10-09T07:07:00.005+10:00

2009 is drawing to a close... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S FLOWN BY SO QUICKLY!

sometimes asking ourselves these questions is necessary...

What have I learnt and experienced about God this year?
What has God done in me and what has He taught me this year?
What have I accomplished this year?
What can I bring with me into next year?

WHAT DOES GOD HAVE IN STORE FOR THE REST OF 2009?
HOW ELSE CAN I GROW and WHAT ELSE HAVE I NOT DONE IN 2009?

still not over yet!!! :)

simply women: Confidence

2009-09-03T08:01:00.004+10:00

confidence. am i confident?

The weekend was incredible! workshops, massages :), Word of God, rubbing shoulders with incredible women and role models! personally had to do a few things out of my comfort zone and was a real learning curve- all that i hope is that God moved through me and was glorified!

i think one of the main things God spoke to many of us ladies over the weekend is how God VALUES us. nothing that we can say or do or happens in our lives can ever diminish how He sees us and thinks of us.

He loves us, He esteems us, He would give up men for us (not being gender specific here!), He forgives us, He pursues us!

WOW!!! blows me away again and again...

chasing other things/people/successes in this world will never give us the security that knowing our true value in God brings! And we need that to sink deep into our hearts and for us to be firmly convicted about who we are in Him so that we can step forward in confidence, be who He has made and called us to be and live the life He has set out for us!

here are some gems i picked up along the way... (esp Lisa Toh's workshop- sooo good!!)

ministry is all-encompassing, broad, holistic, involving my WHOLE life

one of my roles/calls in ministry as a woman is to be a nurturer. so am i a nurturer in ALL facets of my life? not just church life but work, family, included... (ouch!)

understanding what season God has placed me in will help me be secure in what God has called me to and what He is doing right now. different seasons bring different emphasis- like a wheel turning. how do i maximize and what can i capitalize on in this season?

it's all about conviction and intentionality. e.g. live as a single with conviction and full intentionality!

we cannot link our worth and value with our productivity and fruit! God's value and call on me can never be compared/tainted

do NOT do things out of season and take things into your own hands. seek God and trust Him- He alone sees the heart and knows the future

when we have a clear idea of our identity in God, we will not compare (ourselves with other people) and try to live God's plan for someone else

"comparison is destructive. it erodes our love for other people, and causes us to shun the gifts God has given us." Nancy Ortberg

confidence focuses on inner strength; which comes from our relationship with Jesus. get that right!!!

security is about safety. there is true safety in the LOVE of GOD

finding life

2009-07-23T22:45:00.004+10:00

about time to end the blog drought! :) this is SO going to be verbal diarrhoea! :)

we're more than halfway through our 14 day fast and prayer season themed "Ignite"! it's been really timely and there really is the sense that God is longing to do SO MUCH more in the hearts and lives of His people!

personally it's been a crazy couple of months :) it's always always such an adventure walking with Jesus and i'm so grateful that i get to continually experience His faithfulness and realize that i would be so lost without Him! but yes it was a trying, moulding, testing couple of weeks but wow! just amazing testimonies and lessons learnt (big time!) to share about how i finally passed my driving exam and attended my grad ceremony among other things! (PRAISE GOD!!!) God's timing and how His purposes unfold never cease to amaze me! i think God has still plenty of things to teach me in this season but He has taught me over and over again that trying to have a life without finding it in Jesus and trusting completely in Him is like having milk tea without pearls or cereal without milk! (ok definitely not good comparisons at ALL haha)

once again i am convinced and convicted that we can fully entrust our lives into His hands, and as we continue to seek Him and walk with Him every step of the way He IS faithful and His plans are always the best even beyond what we can plan for ourselves!!!

it's been a wonderful week so far, but for the next few days (and weeks!) i desperately want God to move and speak as i seek Him! i believe He does desire to ignite within our hearts a new consuming passion and fire for Him, His purposes and His Church!

it's been really SO good to have some time off and i absolutely would NOT trade the precious time spent with my family, but once again as i was reflecting this week, running after more "stuff" and living for myself is TIRING. As Solomon came to a conclusion in Ecclesiastes, when he had everything he wanted and could do whatever he desired, "everything is meaningless!" God is so faithful to provide and to bless... but there is a growing discontent... that i believe many of us feel!
Achievements, things of this world, possessions, relationships, self-gratification, money... none of these things can fill that God-shaped hole and that innate desire for eternal things! though it can sometimes seem SO tempting for me to just sit comfortable, please and care about myself, go do more shopping, watch TV all day... the Holy Spirit kept that gnawing feeling going... and knowing that it was all purposeless and temporal made me feel SO uncomfortable at the same time.

God has INDEED put eternity in our hearts and once again i am challenged and convicted to make the most of every moment that He has given to us! no matter how tired, how sleep deprived, how much of our time, how much it costs, nothing can compare to the privilege of investing into eternity- the Kingdom of God; the bride of Christ; souls saved for eternity!

really His Kingdom is like that pearl of great value; and only will we find true life when we lose our lives in Him. As Jesus says "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

stir it up Lord, stir up a consuming fire for You and Your purposes once again- let there be new dreams, new vision, new passion, new life found in You!

the Word

2009-06-25T08:34:00.004+10:00

^2-3 Instead you thrill to God's Word,
you chew on Scripture day and night.
You're a tree replanted in Eden,
bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
always in blossom.

Psalms 1:2-3 (MSG)

²⁴"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

Matt 7:24-27 (NIV)

The Word of God is unchanging. His truth is everlasting. It will never pass away!
In this world it's pretty much the only thing that we can fully believe and rely on.

But are we chewing on it? Are we letting the truth get inside of us? His truth gives us true perspective, it shines light into the darkness, it gives life, it transforms us! The Word of God says that those who delight in, who meditate on, who chew on the Word of God will prosper, will not wither, will not be tossed about by the storms of life!
But also are we living out His Word? Not just chewing but are we digesting it? Is His Word staying IN us?

I know I need a healthier and larger diet of the Word of God! Super excited for this weekend and pray we all come prepared to chew and digest the Word of God!

to God be the glory

2009-06-13T17:36:00.002+10:00

got "the power of one" album and have been ministered to by this amazing amazing song(s) all day- be blessed! :)

How can I say thanks
For the things You have done for me
Things so undeserved
Yet You gave to prove Your love for me
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude
All that I am and ever hope to be
I owe it all to Thee

To God be the glory
To God be the glory
To God be the glory
For the things He has done
With His blood He has saved me
With His power He has raised me
To God be the glory
For the things He has done

Just let me live my life
Let it be pleasing, Lord, to Thee
And if I gain any praise
Let it go to Calvary
With His blood He has saved me
With His power He has raised me
To God be the glory
For the things He has done

He Has Done Great Things
He Has Done Great Things

How great is our God
Sing with me
How great is our God
And all will sing
How great, How great
Is our God

How can I say thanks
For the things You have done for me Jesus

enlarging my heart

2009-06-12T00:26:00.003+10:00

i can't really blog as much as i'd like about work here... you can ask me if you'd like :) but it's truly been such a great learning experience, though at times it's really been quite a struggle, and i see God's hand all over my life and in everything He's been doing.

each morning as i go to work i wonder about God's purposes for me that day. usually i pray a simple prayer offering myself to be used as His vessel, to stand for righteousness, to speak forth whatever He wants me to say and to do whatever He wants me to do.

however as i think over things when i'm driving back home i usually realize then the opportunities i've missed. i've driven home quite upset a number of times too :)

there've been many occasions where i've struggled with doing the difficult right thing (usually involving more time and effort) or saying the WHOLE truth (sometimes not explaining or giving all the information is less complicated) versus what is easier and less hassle but not necessarily pleasing to God. i've been super challenged with integrity and serving and working as if for the Lord when noone else is looking and when everyone else isn't. but end of the day... it's all about Jesus. He matters, and people matter.

standing up for what's right isn't always easy. standing up for your faith, standing up for "undeserving" people, trying to explain yourself, trying to change culture... many times it's like a breath of fresh air when I get to read the Word of God during my lunch break and let it speak life and strength into my spirit.

but i've seen God's faithfulness and how He slowly changes things and gives me little opportunities as I stay faithful and trust His Word. i have to remind myself many times during the day that it's not about me, not about my rights, but about how much God loves every single person, about how He gave me life so that I can bring life to others, of how much He has forgiven me and shown me grace; enabling me to forgive and also show grace... many times i am also reminded about the humility and servanthood of Jesus and feel convicted to follow His example, to serve those who do not necessarily "deserve" it. i've had to be braver to speak out about Him, to defend His name, to speak up for others, to even hold my tongue at times.

some days are longer and more challenging than others, but there never fails to be moments where i can smile and chuckle to myself, where i can stand in awe of God's faithfulness and favour, where i can continue to believe that i am right where He wants me to be and to trust Him in all things.

there are so many people who are in bondage and afflicted, many who i know are longing for relief and breakthrough, who wonder about the reasons why and whether they'd ever be completely well... looking for meaning, for reasons, for hope. i've seen people teary as they talk about life and how meaningless it all seems... i've seen people who are hopeless about their addictions. in those times my heart really aches and i really feel challenged and wonder how my faith relates to all this? i wonder what else i can do/say (without crossing all legal and professional boundaries... esp since i'm not even the pharmacist) but i know for sure that my God is the Healer, life giver, bondage breaker, and that He has the power and love to make all things and all people whole. i pray that i can faithfully share His love even if it's only through the smallest actions and words, that i can also faithfully and secretly? pray for them, that i can encourage them and help them, even just by letting them know that they are not alone.

people. always all about people, because they are on God's heart. i pray God continues to enlarge my heart for people, even those who abuse and take advantage of me, even those who seemingly do not deserve grace, every rude and even dirty and smelly customers... that i can genuinely show His love and that He will continue to use my life as i keep laying it down.

answered prayers...

2009-06-05T15:13:00.001+10:00

God truly answers prayer!!! i have a testimony to share at LG tonight :)

On a random note, some random dude asked me to do his nails as I walked by...
Because he said I look like I work in a nail shop and do nails right?

giggles

2009-06-04T07:17:00.004+10:00

ahahaha i love this movie... but i love this scene it's the funniest ever and i ALWAYS laugh when i watch it!!! soo many funny lines in there!

privileged

2009-05-31T20:22:00.004+10:00

been super super duper privileged this past term to be able to teach CDS... i think i've never taught so much in one term!

i preached as well today at UDMM :) it's been a real learning curve for me, the couple of times already this year where i've had to preach then teach, feeling personally convicted and challenged and having God deal in your own heart about the things you are going to share, and being given a small glimpse into what the ministers go through when they have to pour out each week. you feel pretty drained at the end of the day but there is that real sense of joy and purpose and faith that God has used you to at least touch one life!

i'm so honoured to be given these opportunities to teach and be used as His mouthpiece.. many times it does scare me when i remember what it says in James 3:1 "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." but i've been simply blown away by privilege that it is to serve Him and partner with Him, and the grace of God in giving me words to say and just knowing and sensing His anointing, and being fully humbled by the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit that i must always use my giftings for His glory and in serving His house! hearing from different ones that God has spoken to them is... wow. all worth it. anyway, just super grateful for the opportunities and believe God will continue to draw me closer, help me grow and improve for Him too! can't imagine doing anything else that has more value than to pour out and invest into eternity...

disciple making

2009-05-30T23:34:00.006+10:00

preparing for tomorrow and came across a video i think is awesome :)

woke up today feeling truly honoured to be able to serve Jesus...truly what a privilege God has given us to be His disciples and to partner with Him in making disciples!!!

good quote

2009-05-26T00:09:00.003+10:00

remembering what one of the guys said in CDS discussion yesterday (and he was very sincere and serious about it too!) makes me smile... though it is so true :)

"we should have like a mini OC (camp) with God in our quiet time in our rooms every single day!"

that's how exciting knowing God and spending time in His presence is and should be!

surrender

2009-05-25T00:02:00.003+10:00

went to find this song after the bridge kept replaying over and over and over and over in my head at work (must have only heard this song once in my life so it was really odd)

really simple but powerful lyrics that have been ministering to me all weekend...

Surrender

All that I am is Yours
All that I have is Yours
I give You my heart and soul
Lord I’m Yours

Lord every day is Yours
Lord every breath is Yours
Giving my life to You
Lord I’m Yours

You alone are worthy of all praise
You alone are worthy of all praise

I surrender all to You
I surrender all to You
I am nothing without You
Jesus Christ take my life
It’s all for You

You’re worthy of all praise
You’re worthy of all praise, Jesus

final OC reflections

2009-05-24T23:38:00.002+10:00

the OC seems like such a long long time ago! i really should conclude my reflections somehow...

snippets throughout the sessions and workshops that really stirred my heart

The building of internal character is evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit

It's not just about behaviour modification but about moving with and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts and lives!

Honesty is required and expected of a leader- to guard trust

Influence is a powerful thing- God invests in us spiritual authority to mobilize and influence people

Church should be a plurality of leadership; not a one man show. Be willing to empower others and delegate authority!

One careless, selfish decision has the potential to cost you your job, reputation, friendships, family and relationship with God

The more we learn to die to self, the more the Holy Spirit can use us

the saturday morning the student leaders from UQ gathered together and had a time of ministry and prophecy. just the Spirit of God moving and speaking through each other was super encouraging and i think we all received confirmations and were affirmed in many ways! praise God! i think throughout the weekend many of us received prophesies that really encouraged and spurred us on. it's been good to go back and look through them and to claim them in the name of Jesus over my life again!

this is random...

2009-05-22T23:38:00.002+10:00

but i am super looking forward to:

an evening with the best housemates (YUM? hahaha), italian food (YUMMM) and chocolate (YUMMMM)

what more can i ask for? :)

go on to maturity

2009-05-21T23:47:00.004+10:00

reading through the book of Hebrews, and this passage keeps coming back to me

Hebrews 5
¹¹We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. ¹²In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! ¹³Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. ¹⁴But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

it says the mature constantly use solid food and have trained themselves!

reminded that it isn't the Church's, or my leaders', my shepherds' responsibility to feed me and it is my own personal responsibility to eat; i.e. take ownership of my relationship and growth in Jesus!

i want to "go on to maturity" as it says in the next verse in chapter 6... are we pressing in and pressing on? are we making excuses or are we hungering for more? what steps are we taking?

happy mother's day and other rambles!

2009-05-10T23:23:00.004+10:00

today i was all teary and reminded about what an awesome mum i have! yes mummy you are THE BEST!

the strength of a mother's love indeed... how generous, sacrificial and persistent is the love of my mother. how much she's sacrificed for us, how much she's believed in us, how practical and dependable, how much she is concerned and always there. truly such love is a reflection of the incomprehensible love of our God.

really blessed to have you in my life, mummy! :)

wow... it was also one of those weekends where i've felt massively blessed and honoured!

i was blessed beyond words today with a few people giving me different chocolates, banana chips etc... maybe i look like a mum ha ha... :) but yes i am super blessed and thank you all SO MUCH! i'm so grateful for the ones i get to do life with and even the ones across the continent/seas!

really feel the honour and privilege of being a part of this Body of Christ too. the privilege of being a shepherd of His flock, of being able to play a part in the lives of others and build God's church simply blows me away. really it is His grace because i feel so undeserving- what a wretched imperfect sinner i am before this holy loving God! i'm truly blessed and honoured and feel responsible for what/who God has entrusted to me. blessed by the trust given to me by different ones and know i definitely can't love, care, invest, serve out of my own capacity, but truly by the grace of God. there's so much more of Jesus' heart that i want and need to know and understand for His church, this world, peoples' lives and even my own life. it's a humbling process too and more and more i understand how this life really isn't about me. everything we can consider a loss compared to the grace we have in knowing Jesus and serving this generation and His purposes.

He sings over me :)

2009-05-08T08:49:00.005+10:00

^{imagining it makes me smile :)}
^{Zephaniah 3:17}
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

i am His daughter, His princess :)

ouch...

2009-05-05T08:39:00.002+10:00

had this profound (to me anyway) revelation over the weekend when having dinner with an AWESOME couple to ask God to help us with our weaknesses (eg in discipline), and so i asked Jesus...

and the HS hit me good this morning!

it's not just faith without deeds that is dead... but so are your good intentions without being intentional.

ouch!!! now that's going to bug me all day at work :) (where i'll be acting on my good intentions) :)

my OC 2009 (part 1!)

2009-04-28T07:38:00.005+10:00

OC reflection 1

i had the privilege of being on the intercessory team during the Friday night opening session of OC :) 3 hours of intense and exciting intercession!

being part of it was really awesome for me personally too because it really prepared my heart and helped me understand what God wanted from His people...so i was able to let God deal with my heart and was able to share and encourage my lifegroup the next morning to get themselves prepared too!

among many many things that we sensed and prayed (and warred for and against!) that night there was the general sense that God really wanted to pour out (which He did!) His word, His favour, His Spirit, His power that weekend but He was requiring a few key things namely faith, purity, and hunger from the hearts of His people fully desiring Him!

what an amazing time that was!

i think it was the first reminder and stirring (with more to come!) of the importance of discernment, prayer, and fighting the battle in the heavenlies! truly we have the victory in God and we must learn to stand firm upon His word, declare His will and purpose in our lives and fight the devil's schemes!

Lord continue to grow me to be Your warrior and watch(wo)man for Your people and Your Kingdom!

i'm back!

2009-04-15T08:16:00.003+10:00

i was exhausted at work yesterday! (i got home after midnight due to rain, flight delays, driving, etc) but after a super duper early night i'm well rested and pumped YEAH!

i think the OC this year was all that we'd hoped for, and more. i know some of us even heard more from God than we expected heh... will share more, soon.

well i can share one thing first- funny enough i got a prophesy that i'd be healed from the thief of my time- procrasination. amen!!! sounds weird but ok there's more to it than that- ties in to another part of the prophesy. yes i didn't realize but i do need to be healed and broken free from it- i refuse to believe in the lies of the enemy any more and settle for mediocrity and comfort- and i know i need to keep doing my part too. so i will be posting SOON!

oh and this time is really important for us to stay alert and prayerful- for us to ask God to seal every word that He has spoken and to take steps of faith and respond to Him! let's not allow the devil to steal, kill and destroy what God has done, is doing and wants to do in our lives!!!!!

anticipation building...

2009-04-07T02:01:00.005+10:00

i know it's not really the right time to be up so late... because i know i need to be well rested before the weekend but for some strange reason the closer i get to the OC the later i seem to be sleeping!

just the sense of excitement and anticipation is building... yes as usual i am kinda almost packed already :) for one, i can't wait to have the precious thursday night to catch up with dearest bell :) and even more so, i can't wait to be at the Oceania Convention!!!

i'm really wanting to go fully prepared to seek, meet, hear and receive from God this weekend! i want to go hungry for fresh vision, fresh direction, fresh empowering, and even to be brought back again to the point of "here I am God, send me, take me, use me, have all of me..." in response to the wonder of His glory, holiness and love.

i think many of us will be heading in with that sort of expectations, and a desire to rise to the next level in God. how exciting is that?! really need to pray!

really believing for such an AWESOME time! so excited that i can't sleep!

my washing machine revelation

2009-04-05T09:10:00.003+10:00

machines are really fascinating creatures... it's amazing how much trust we actually put into them! we trust the manufacturers that made them, we trust that because we've paid so much money that they should work properly!

okay this random train of thought IS leading somewhere... i just sat down for 10 minutes watching our washing machine wash my clothes :) i was fascinated by this big white machine. before we always had a top loader (so you can't see anything) and even when we started using this front loader, usually i do one or two pretty big loads at once and so i just dump them in and leave the machine to do its magic- but i had an extra load this weekend which was pretty small and i could actually see the clothes and the water and the actual cycles!!! :D

anyway, the machine filled up with water and the detergent, (smart machine because it just uses enough water to cover everything) and there were bubbles! well then it started doing short spurts of spins, and i was fascinated by the seemingly unending number of cycles that it was doing... i sat there in amusement, just waiting and wondering what was coming next (obviously i realized the next step was to drain out the water) but it seemed like FOREVER that the machine kept spinning, stopping, spinning, stopping, spinning, stopping... etc... and i was thinking to myself that WOW it must be really washing those clothes out! haha... and i had no idea how long it was going to keep doing it, and it really felt like AGES. but then i concluded that the machine knows what it's doing...

and then it struck me... it's like when our Daddy God needs to clean and wash us out! and it's like being in that machine. it seems unending, this cycle of going round and round trying to wash the dirt (sin, basically) out of our hearts and lives. funny thing is we trust the MACHINE so much- to allow it to do its work, and we trust that when it's finished, the job is done so we're willing to wait! and I think God just spoke to me there and then, as I was just sitting and staring at the machine... sometimes we wonder how long we're going to be in this never-ending cycle of struggling and wrestling with the different things He needs to deal with in us. but remember that He is our GOD, our Heavenly Daddy who knows what He is doing, so much MORE than this smart machine! that He knows how much we need to be "spun" around and cleaned out with "detergent" and if we'd just be obedient and responsive clothes :) we do come out all clean, much cleaner looking and SMELLING and ready to be used (for HIS GOOD PURPOSES!!!) in the end!

okay my clothes are done!

convicting bedtime reading

2009-04-01T00:13:00.002+10:00

"A person can perceive certain gifts and use them in the way deemed best, but just as you will never know the exact type of a tree- its form, shape, strength, etc- even so you will never know your true God-given destiny unless you've been planted in the church. This is God's design, not man's."

"If I plant myself in the church, I will reach my God-given destiny. If not, I may use the gifts in my life for a different purpose than my Creator intended."

getting spiritually hungry

2009-03-28T00:21:00.003+10:00

"we will hunger for what we feed on."

sometimes we need to get rid of all the junk in our spiritual diets... so that we can grow in hunger once again and be more desperate for God and the things of God.

personally, among other things i'm going to give up some unnecessary time wasters for the next few weeks!

how about you? how is your spiritual thermometer today?

following in the footsteps of Christ

2009-03-26T07:23:00.003+10:00

^{Isaiah 53}

⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

^{1 Peter 2}

¹⁸Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.

¹⁹For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God.

²⁰But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.

²¹To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

²²"He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth."

²³When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

sometimes we have to face trials and suffering due to the consequences of sin, or the reaping of what we have sown, which is fair enough. but sometimes it really is suffering that we do not deserve and understand. sometimes we have to endure "unjust suffering".

I am so encouraged every time I read these passages because I remember that Jesus truly understands when we suffer, because He ultimately endured the epitome of "unjust suffering" for our sakes! Not only that, I am always encouraged by how He modelled how we should respond to suffering: He was not provoked, did not retaliate, did not fight back, but maintained a sweet spirit and entrusted Himself to God who is the ultimate Judge and vindicator! Jesus was NOT defeated or resigned to His fate, as I'm sure some people thought He was, but it was in fact that He understood and stood firm upon God's plan! And the most amazing thing is how He extended such selfless and gracious forgiveness upon His oppressors- not just the ones at the cross that day at Calvary- but you and I who rejected and sinned against Him!!!

as Christians, at times we are called to suffering. i've been challenged by the Holy Spirit not to see myself as a victim, or to be provoked, but to allow God to use different situations to develop a tough and overcoming spirit in me, and also so that people will be able to see and come to know Jesus! since we have been extended such grace and forgiveness, how can we not also forgive? more and more i am growing in my understanding that God calls us to follow in Christ's example- which means He uses and doesn't waste the trials and suffering that we go through. but in fact, He is developing the tough yet sweet spirit within us, making us more like Christ as we choose to follow after Jesus' example in how He responded! also, He is refining our faith and heart to be as gold. How encouraging! What a privilege!

A great illustration from our friend John Bevere :) that causes me to be encouraged and determined to stand firm and cling onto God:

Trees endure the hot sun and windy rainstorms by sending their roots down deeper. The adversity they face is eventually the source of great stability. The harshness of the elements surrounding them causes them to seek deeper for their source of life. They will one day come to the place that even the greatest of windy storms cannot affect their ability to produce fruit.

If we would not run so fast from resistance, our root systems would have a chance to become stronger and reach deeper, and our fruit would wax plentiful and sweeter in the eyes of God and more palatable to His people. We should not resist the very thing God allows us to live through in order to strengthen us in our calling.

i really do want deeper and stronger roots and sweeter fruits! :)

not going down without a fight!

2009-03-22T22:09:00.003+10:00

i had a near death experience yesterday :) yes very dramatic, and i can tell you the story one day if you'd like- a dear sister who coincidentally happened to be there almost had a heart attack!!! and every one else there was in shock- all except me because it took me a while to realize the gravity of the situation.

once i finally realized how close it was (very slow reaction time), i was filled with a sense of awe at God's grace and protection over my life. literally i think the angels pushed me forward because i was THIS close to being run down by the car. i think my life flashed before my eyes and i felt like i should take some time out to evaluate my life! i'm now also filled with a sense of wonder and responsibility, knowing that i have yet to fulfill His purpose and destiny, which is why i am still here today!!! it was a good reminder for me to keep FIGHTING. we are in a spiritual battle which is raging now for sure and i know the enemy will keep trying to keep me from walking in His will!

but as i've been praying and thinking over the past few days, and as we've heard today (very timely!)- we need to keep fighting! we must not be shaken! we must not give up! we must and will NOT be intimidated but in His grace, His strength, claiming His victory! we can and will fight to the end! let's continue to cover each other and our families and people in prayer and fight!!!

toughen me, train me, strengthen me, to fight Your battles and be Your warrior!

alive and well!

2009-03-17T07:38:00.002+10:00

i've realized i shouldn't have left that post hanging for that long... really appreciate all the prayers and concern i've gotten :) but yes i am alive and well, i'm pumped, praise God!

those few weeks were really quite tough (understatement of 2009 so far for me!) and at times i really did feel like i couldn't do it all but praise God for His stretching and refining seasons always! i think my capacity to trust Him and to cling on, to persevere and to fight has been majorly increased! just within myself, in ministry and and even at work it was an incredible maturing (haha) time! been many humbling and breaking moments and i've had to get on my knees in tears, in surrender and in desperation for His strength and grace but those are the opportunities to draw nearer to His heart, to rely on His grace and to mature in many ways! many times i felt self pity, i felt negativity, i felt the weight of the war going on in my heart and mind and i've had to fight hard and speak the Word of God and sing praises in defense...at times i failed and broke down in tears but i'm learning to pick myself up quickly and fight on! i'm still learning to exalt God above all else in every situation because HE DESERVES IT! and in the midst of all that- God was/is ALWAYS always there. His grace truly covered me and He opened the doors and was faithful as always! So yes, it's ALL about Jesus!!!

many times i've been puzzled and impatient, trying to figure out in my own human logic about what i need to grow in (so that i can hurry up and get out of this season!) but i know i still need to wait and seek God as to what specifically He wants from me... as apparently it's not over yet :) so i'm determined to persevere (and persevere WELL and with JOY and keep pressing on!) let Him have His way and to refine and mature me! and as i was encouraged on Sunday- His grace covers me and is enough! and i need to let the cookies finish baking in the oven... and He WILL finish what He has started and i WILL be able to move on to the next level in Him! He is truly our God and doing many things in our hearts in this time which is EXCITING! may He truly grow His people and His church to the next level! let's continue to seek His face and His heart!

Your grace is enough
More than I need
And Your word I will believe
I wait for You
Draw near again
And Your spirit make me new
And i will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And i will worship You here

my week...

2009-03-09T01:02:00.002+10:00

oh and this week was crazy because i... (mum don't worry i'm really all ok and fine!)

had food poisoning
had major deadlines to meet but...
left my discussion paper at work and misplaced my phone (been found!)
experienced one of the worst rollercoaster days of emotions in my life (major warfare on my mind and heart!)
had a cyclist slam into my car (it's ok, his face hit my window?! but everyone and everything was fine) as i was turning out- i was just a bit shaken and got to work a bit late
was trying to park in uni for my lecture but realized i didn't have enough change (so in the end i had to park somewhere far and was a teeny bit late!)

but in the end it was one of the best weeks ever! there is nothing like persevering and walking with You God!

wow!

2009-03-09T00:02:00.004+10:00

still can't get over (and hope i never will!!!) the overwhelming joy that i feel when i see people experience God, rededicate their lives or receive salvation!
was bawling and unsuccessfully trying to contain myself today when i saw one of our friends go down to the altar! what an amazing amazing party there must be in heaven right now!!! really praising God for divine opportunities and incredibly soft hearts and spirits!

praise God for drawing different ones to Him as we faithfully keep sowing! so so so amazing and He is so so so good... what an incredibly tough but so much more rewarding week it has been!!! PRAISE GOD!

side note- but it was also really really inspiring and encouraging to hear one of the younger brothers from another lifegroup sharing the gospel with his friend as we were on the coach on the way home from the sunshine coast- the time i was awake and not sleeping :) i kept hearing bits and pieces coming from behind me as he faithfully shared about God! wow! i really was blessed to hear him share his testimony and his faith! and hearing about many other stories like that from other friends and getting to speak to different people about God... it's just been so amazing to see different ones step out and take hold of opportunities to be His witness!!!

really very blessed to be serving and running with such amazing people! as we persevere and keep looking to God in faith!

character

2009-03-01T23:15:00.004+10:00

the story that May told us during CDS today about the hotel in singapore that just collapsed one day really hit me hard. over time little cracks in the foundation that weren't addressed and fixed kept accumulating until one giant crack formed in one of the structural pillars and the building simply collapsed!

she related this to our character. character is foundational and is what will sustain us since we're in this race for the long haul. sometimes we're so focused on the external that we don't see the little cracks until it's too late.

but thank God He doesn't just leave us and let us be. He's so much more interested in our character rather than just what we're doing for Him. certain points we come under (well more like heated over) fire and the dross starts floating to the surface... and it's like light being shone onto the dusty cobweb-y buried forgotten corners. and it's not pretty- you realize all your grotty bits and weaknesses and just how much you truly need Him. it's these necessary points where we have a choice: to realize and evaluate who we truly are before Him, when all else is stripped away, to embrace the brokenness and come before Him and allow Him to purify us, or to ignore it all and allow the impurities to get buried again, until the next season of purification comes around.

these are the points where when we put everything aside: the titles and roles and achievements and support... we need to ask those hard questions about who we are before God. do i truly love You Jesus above all else? have i been blinded with pride? have i been stubborn and resistant to the Holy Spirit? why do i serve and do what i do? what are my motivations and what is my heart condition?

this is when it's hard and painful. but i want God to address and fix the cracks in my character and the yuck parts in my heart! i want to be the woman, the leader, the servant, everything that He has called me to be and i don't want to just collapse in 10, 20 years. i pray that in this season of purification we will truly respond and allow God to purify our hearts and shape our character; so that we may be those with hearts solely after Him, ready vessels for Him to use and those who will run the race til the end!

a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise

super convicting...

2009-02-25T01:02:00.002+10:00

"Grace has been taught as simply God's unmerited favour. It is indeed His favour and cannot be bought or earned. However, it also empowers us to obey, and the evidence that we've truly received it is our godly lifestyles. Our obedience to His Word confirms grace's reality in our lives."
-Driven by Eternity, John Bevere

1 John 2:3-6
We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

for mum and dad

2009-02-20T08:20:00.006+10:00

river view from my window, balcony... very muggy weather!

my desk, chair and bookcase!

my bed :)

just a few pictures of my room as promised (more to come of the house when we finish unpacking?)

yes it is cosy and my little hidey hole :)

at the moment everyone who comes says wow girl's room! so neat! my goal is for it to stay this way...
mum, dad, you shall see it when you come again!

for eternity

2009-02-16T22:54:00.002+10:00

once again it's an exciting period for all of us serving in the student ministry. we've ALREADY seen and met so many new students and for sure, the harvest is plentiful!

God reminded me and i was overwhelmed all over again when i remembered that we are impacting lives for eternity.
add that to a passion for God, people and the Great Commission, and it's motivation enough to get out there isn't it? :)

Lord, give us a portion of the harvest! help us to reach and disciple these different ones! use us for Your glory!

i finished Facing Your Giants (the five stones of the past, prayer, priority, passion and persistence wow!) today and started reading Driven by Eternity. (good choice for this season?) from what i've heard, i need to brace myself... should be a convicting and sleep-losing read!

we have a home!

2009-02-10T01:08:00.004+10:00

this has been super overdue- but PRAISE GOD! He gave us a HOME! this is a testimony truly of God's amazing faithfulness and perfect timing. We'd been looking since November, going for house inspections and looking online when we had time, and we were trusting God to provide the perfect place for us! along the journey as we kept searching and waiting, I believe He had to do a work in our hearts and teach us many lessons in trust and sacrificing certain comforts and being willing to step beyond our comfort zones.

eventually, we applied for this place which we thought would be perfect, and it would give us about a week to move. we were so excited and we thought it was THE place (though there would be little sacrifices too) however, there were so many other people applying and we got rejected! i started to resign myself to the thought of being homeless until we found a place (which i thought was actually kinda fun). we had less than a week to go then and didn't have very high hopes when we went to an inspection, but we applied anyway, and amazingly enough the owners picked us! that was such a God moment when we found out! like everything clicked into place about why God had made us wait so long! so we signed the lease on wednesday, packed like crazy and moved EVERYTHING on thursday (we finished moving at about 1 am) and gave in the keys for our old place the next day. so though it was a CRAZY time packing and moving (and heapss of other drama and testimonies), God provided just what and when we needed! we're paying less than what we were looking for, beside the river yay, we didn't have to pay empty rent or for storage, we managed to move everything in the nick of time, and we weren't homeless! PRAISE GOD! i am constantly amazed at how undeserving i am of His grace and blessing upon my life!

it's been an incredibly busy period for me, what with work and finding a place, among other things. i'm so excited because orientation is going to hit in the next few weeks and i know God is going to give us a portion of the harvest and we are going to see lives changed and to partner with Him in building His church!

more and more through many circumstances i am learning that i really need to build my "house" and foundation firm and sure upon the "Rock"; upon the Word of God. i am learning about where my faith is centred and that only upon God truly i can trust. Only He is faithful, unchanging, and will never fail, though storms may come. He truly is the Great Shepherd and i shall not be in want!

let's continue to look to Him and build our lives firm and sure upon the unshakable Word of God!

vamos Rafa!

2009-02-02T08:05:00.004+10:00

i'm still revelling in Raphael Nadal's Australian Open win.
i do agree that Federer is one of the best tennis players in history; but i've been supporting Rafa ever since he appeared on the tennis scene. i must say that they are both amazing champions though- look at the level of sportsmanship and respect that they have for each other and for the sport!

i still remember when i first saw Nadal play. there was just something in Rafa's youthfulness and rawness, and the determination in his eyes and his never-give-up spirit. it's been amazing seeing him rise to the top and how he's developed and worked so hard on as many aspects of his game as possible so that he is almost unbeatable on ALL surfaces, not just on clay. tennis is not just a physical game but a mental one too- and i think i really admire the self-belief and the mental toughness that he's matured in over the years and is able to display now in the crucial moments. he's managed to keep the simple and almost idealistic belief in victory despite all his critics and when the odds have been stacked against him.

anyway, i was reflecting on his win as i was drifting off to sleep last night when the Holy Spirit suddenly reminded me of a passage. in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, it talks about strict training that athletes go through in order to get the prize. Paul talks about how he "beats his body and makes it his slave" so that he would not be disqualified from the race and obtaining the prize.

Nadal and the other tennis greats all subject their bodies to strict training and much discipline. They do it in order to be the best. They are practically pouring their lives into this sport and they live for their cause.

As I reflected on what they go through for something such as tennis (though it's so cool!) I was just super convicted about my own life and what I am pouring my life into- how about me? am I pouring my life into the cause of Christ? would i be willing to subject my body to such strict training and discipline in order to be a true dedicated disciple of Christ? would i be willing to make such sacrifices in order to fulfill His mission and will for my life and so that i would not be disqualified from this race? what extent would i go to to know Christ and to make Him known?

it's going to be a long journey to be as determined and as disciplined... but it has to start somewhere.

work

2009-01-22T22:54:00.002+10:00

working life is as interesting and as challenging as i thought it would be. but it's really allowed God to show me many parts of my character and faith that He wants to change and refine.

1) working as unto the Lord
even when no one is looking, will i give my absolute best and uphold God's standards in all that i do? not easy when everyone is taking a break and you can't find much to do!

2) submission to authority
learning to submit, but also remembering and trying to stand up for my convictions and what's right according to the Word of God.

3) servanthood
it's not just submission but having that heart of service unto my boss, customers and even my colleagues. and to do it all with a smile! i've challenged myself to be always willing and eager to do the menial and dirty jobs whether i'm assigned to or not!

4) love for people- lived out!
i get to understand how much i truly love people. we really do get to serve every sort of person. i've been challenged to show love, speak highly and give the benefit of the doubt to every person. it's really not easy- especially when you've been sworn at! but "a gentle answer turns away wrath" (Prov 15:1) has definitely proven true! i've felt convicted by the Holy Spirit many times and have had to repent when i've thought badly of a rude customer, thought rude thoughts about not-so-pleasant-smelling customers, when i've been judgmental and jumped to conclusions, or felt tempted to complain (joining in with everyone else!). i've really been challenged in the area of compassion and many times i've felt the burden, and wondered what i can possibly do? these people need freedom and healing in Jesus, not medication!

5) security in my identity in God
i've always found it hard to accept that not every one will like you. sometimes even for no reason! so sometimes i've felt scared when i know i'm going to offend the person. and i know it's related to my security in God and my tendency to be a people pleaser. so i know God is truly challenging my security in my identity in Him by giving me opportunities to deal with many tough and rude people and that is something He definitely wants me to grow in this year, not just through my workplace! i've also had to learn that i also cannot please everyone and be everything to everyone, and am learning to be secure in my worth and value through Christ eventhough i hear comparisons very often!

6) vision and call
i think through working i've had a chance to really ponder about my passions and God's call upon my life and how it relates to my profession. i've had opportunity to discover that i really do like putting a smile of people's faces, and which part of my job i enjoy the most and feel the most fulfillment in. i've had a chance to understand what kind of people i feel a burden for, but truth be told- i definitely have many questions and wonder how i can ever make a change. but with God, nothing is impossible! and most importantly, learning what it is to be a more available and willing vessel. and i'll continue to wait upon Him to show me more and speak more clearly.

phew! it's been just only 2 months and it's already been an adventure! i pray He will continue to mould and grow me through every single day!

a new breed

2009-01-15T07:09:00.003+10:00

"What we need today is a new resurgence of true commitment. We have enough compromise and self-centred individuals seeking their own desire. The times demand a new kind of leader, a new breed of young people who carry a cause bigger than thinking about themselves. 'Commitment' is a term of the past for most people in our generation. If we are going to usher in God's grand purpose in an age of such compromise, we must raise the standard and commit ourselves wholly to Christ."
- Soul Seekers, Judah Smith

such love...

2009-01-09T07:56:00.006+10:00

beware this is gruesome... brace yourselves if you watch this!

every time i watch this or even just think about this scene (ok i don't mean the first 30+ seconds!) and remember what He went through, out of love for you and for me... it wrecks me all over again big time. (bad idea every time i talk about it when i am sharing during communion- i think i've cried and embarrassed myself a few times now!) that He would give it all, endure such suffering, go to the cross and die such a gruesome death- once again how can i not respond to such love by giving totally of myself?

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

what seems insignificant

2009-01-01T21:58:00.004+10:00

"We need the perspective and the passion of the little boy who rescued starfish. The story goes that an old man was puzzled one day as he watched a little boy throw starfish back into the sea, one by one. The old man approached the diligent young boy who seemed so determined and asked, 'Young man, what does it matter? Do you see up the beach, there are thousands of starfish. You can't possibly save them all.' The little boy paused for a moment, looked at the starfish in his hand and replied with certainty, 'Yeah but it matters to this one!' "
- Soul Seekers, Judah Smith

...the value of what seems insignificant. the one individual is always important to God.

Lord, help me remember that some thing small, even something very small- may in fact be my love for You in action. guide me so that i don't overlook people or chances to touch their lives in some way. help me to use the opportunities You give me with extravagant love. help me to be faithful, and to see the value of what seems insignificant.

use me, for Your glory!

postlude 2008

2008-12-27T09:15:00.003+10:00

it was a very different Christmas without being with family :) nonetheless, the time spent with dear friends was awesome as we ate, relaxed, reflected, prayed and appreciated the incredible gift of Jesus together!

as 2008 draws to a end, i look back and realize just what an unbelievable year it has been. at the same time, 2009 promises to hold SO MUCH MORE. it really is going to be a new season. just the glimpses that God has given me as to what He has in store have me feeling quite excited and at times also quite nervous! :D

one thing's for sure- He's definitely preparing me, and many others, and His church, to be His vessels. there is definitely that sense that He wants to pour out so much but we need to be ready.

one thing that God spoke to me yesterday as rosie and i spent time in His presence before we went shopping :) and really confirmed last night during a very rare opportunity (first time ever!) to visit the Ablaze service (awesome and refreshing experience!!) was about being ready to pay the price. in everything that He desires to do, in the light of what He has in store in this new season, will we be ready to get on board, will we be ready to take that extra step forward, will we be willing to pay the price to see His purposes established and His Kingdom advanced?

in this coming new year it is my prayer to once again surrender my "Isaacs" to Him and to be fully sold out for His purposes. so that i can serve out His purpose for me in my generation!

the call

2008-12-21T23:24:00.000+10:00

"The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."- Frederick Buechner

for beauty and strength

2008-12-15T22:49:00.002+10:00

Jeremiah 18
1 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD : 2 "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." 3 So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

5 Then the word of the LORD came to me: 6 "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel"

He will bring me there!

2008-12-10T05:48:00.005+10:00

well praise God i survived the first week!!!
but it does feel like in the process i've dropped so many balls and it's been hard not to beat myself up over it! it still feels impossible to stretch my energies for anything but the top 3 or 4 major things requiring my immediate attention... as i slowly (very slowly...) learn to juggle everything, knowing that it is really beyond my capacity right now to deal with every single thing, i just have to accept that i have to let certain things go for another week or so, set priorities right, and keep focused on the things i need to do RIGHT NOW! but yeah aaaargh!!!

it has felt the past few weeks like i haven't been a good steward of everything on my plate, and plus who likes knowing they are mediocre? it's definitely been frustrating when i keep hearing the words in my head "you're managing now not leading" so it has been a battle emotionally as well when i've felt like i'm not good enough, i'm not living up to expectations and what is required of me, and i've also wondered that perhaps i'm not called to certain things!

as God questioned me over the weekend "have i really been Your reason in everything?" it's also been majorly convicting and breaking to let Him search and change my heart... once again i realize how fragile and deceptive our hearts can be! (Jer 17:9) and He's had to bring me back to getting it right in doing it all for Him, hence finding that joy and strength to do what i need to!

so praise God, it was really encouraging last night and brought a lift in my spirit as i came before Him to hear that He will bring us to where He has called us as we put our hope and trust in Him!

so as i've allowed Him to search and purify my heart once again, reassure me that He has called me and He WILL enable me and bring me to wherever He has prepared for me- i know all i can do is trust Him and do what i can, with the right heart, walking in His strength. so i have hope for a new day! :D

wow! anyway this is a season i prayed and asked for! (so kids, be careful what you ask for...) i told God i want to grow, i want to do whatever He wants me to do... and i remember God speaking to me about Isaiah 54:2-3, and i even shared on it in lifegroup and since then i've heard it more than 3 times!

so yes God, teach me to enlarge the place of my tent, to stretch, lengthen and strengthen in You! help me to make the most of this season, not for any other reason but for You and for Your glory, and not looking to the left or to the right, but relying and growing in You!

the best is yet to come

2008-12-05T02:46:00.003+10:00

phew! it has been a crazy first week. first time i clocked in a major number of hours yesterday (which i need to get used to) and it was interesting to keep the energy levels going... i was spaced on the way home! haha...yep i got up after a few hours after getting into bed exhausted- pretty messed up body clock- which does add to the tiredness :)

definitely going to take some getting used to- and it is definitely a stretching season- but i'm alive and i'm ok, and i'll be ok :) thanks everyone for the little smiles, prayers and encouragement! definitely learning and growing! definitely learning to fill the tank with praise and prayer! much more to improve on, in using my time more effectively and getting used to and working through the tiredness and i'll get there in the days to come- very soon i am believing! in Jesus' name! :)

thank You Jesus for Your joy and strength!

more updates later...

the new chapter :)

2008-12-02T07:21:00.003+10:00

today marks my official first day of full-time work (i only worked 5 hours yesterday).

yes, God is faithful! i could say that again and again! eventhough i don't get to go for the grad ceremony, just through His amazing timing and just sorting out the little things, i get to start full time anyway, i get a second chance to re-do my assignment, and i get a chance to praise God because He loves me and has His hand over my life!

and it has been an amazing testimony- well this year has been an incredibly amazing one- of me learning what it is to relinquish control, or to "lose" my life for His sake and to then find it. it's been me learning what it is to trust Him and surrender my plans and desires for Him to make them His. it's been me learning to be still, and know that He is and letting Him be God, as a word was given to me this year, and understanding that truly my own wisdom and reasoning is not enough and definitely nothing compared to listening to His voice and waiting for His timing!

and in a nutshell, He has been humbling me so that i realize that it hasn't been about me. it's been about Him. it's been about taking my eyes off my selfish, depraved self... and waiting on, listening to, obeying, loving, trusting Him- our good, perfect, faithful, trustworthy, promise-keeping God, and in the process letting Him do His refining work in me.

in so many ways, i know He has been moulding me and is still moulding me, and helping the cleansing process so that I will be an "instrument for noble purposes". there is still such a ways to go- in my character, capacity, faith etc... and many times I've had it asked of me, why would God allow all these things to happen? isn't it better to just have everything smooth sailing? would God really allow you to fail, suffer, etc... well, now i would answer that in the end, things ARE smooth sailing. and the destination is important, but isn't the journey just as, or in fact, more important? how else would we truly grow in faith or in learning to surrender, and relying on Him if He does not allow such things to happen? how else would we learn to submit our will to Him and say "let Your will be done" as even Jesus had to finally say?

as i always (i think i've said it at least 10 times over the weekend) say, God is interested not primarily in our happiness, but our holiness (groans all around from my sister and cousin)! i think that should be my life motto... anyway, He is much more interested in our character above our comfort! and i've come to recognize and appreciate this SO much, because i know He loves me too much to let me remain where I am, and He knows that I have the capacity to withstand such furnace experiences! and so I DO feel privileged and in awe.

i pray that in whatever seasons to come and in the future experiences with God, i will continue to use each moment to look to Him and seek His heart! and continue not to wrestle but flow along and cling unto Him and His Word!

praise God! thanks for praying with me in these seasons- it has truly been amazing and i know there are more to come!

His mercies

2008-11-27T06:57:00.005+10:00

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22

God is faithful and good :) such a humbling process, learning to surrender your dreams and desires to God and trusting Him as you walk on and press on.

i worked hard and did fine on my big exams and everything, but to my unpleasant surprise (and something i didn't even consider) i failed an assignment.

it's hard when things won't be going as planned, as how you dreamt it would be your whole life, it's hard when you know you've disappointed those dear to your heart... but i know God works for my good. i'm so grateful that His mercies are new every morning! so i'm learning to respond in faith and trust in His good and perfect will and His strength to help me work things out. nevertheless it's a hard lesson to go through, and to unnecessarily put my family through.

but i know that this is His furnace, His moulding, His preparation, to continue to grow my character, and strengthen me. i know He is teaching me in a greater level to keep surrendering my plans and my life into His hands, to keep growing in my trust in Him. and i will learn to always praise Him for these opportunities to grow, for His strength to be made perfect when i am weak, so that i may boast only in Him.

i want to boast in this "..that i understand and know Him" (Jer 9:24) so my prayer is that in these circumstances He may draw me closer to Himself, show me more of who He is and teach me His ways. may He use these circumstances for His purpose, His glory, His will.

and you know what? life goes on. it always does :) because His mercies are new every morning! praise God!!!

on my heart

2008-11-26T07:57:00.003+10:00

a few verses that God put on my heart a few weeks ago, and keeps speaking to me about is from the passage Eph 5: 22-33. yes I know that it is the wives and husbands passage and i truly believe that it is the standard to which i believe my and everyone else's relationships and covenants (current and future) should constantly strive for (now then marriages and relationships would be sooo awesome); but there is so much in that passage which stirs my heart and I think God is challenging me in and teaching me about for the coming season, for personal and corporate growth.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

I remember confirming what our future unit leader had shared :) by sharing at our future-core-team get together about a month ago how I also felt that God was going to do a refining and cleansing work in our midst, based on this passage, because He is preparing His church to be His radiant, pure and holy bride. He has chosen us to be His holy people! I believe that God has already started and is indeed bringing many things to the surface that He is encouraging us to deal with!

At our mission trip to the Central Coast, I was given the opportunity to share at Communion :) and I also felt God speak a little bit on this passage- but about how Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. God put it upon my heart and reminded me that Christ loved each of us, and He loved His church to the extent of laying down His life. He understood the value of the church and the potential of what it will become- His radiant bride. I felt God's challenge to each of us about the extent of our love for His church. do we truly understand the value and potential of His church, His Kingdom? would we be, like in Matthew 13, like the man who sold all he had to buy the field where the treasure was hidden? would we be like the man who sold all that he had to obtain the pearl of great value?

i feel that is still His challenge to me today. would I be willing to give of myself, all that I have for His Kingdom and His purposes? to build His Kingdom, His church, the hope of the world.

this morning i was hit by some shocking news about my exams- but i choose to praise God, because He is a good and faithful God who cares and is always in control. i choose to trust in Him. i choose to put my faith in Him and His joy is my strength! :)
may You continue to grow me in trusting You, in breaking and humbling me, in moulding my character and faith. have Your way Lord.

i'm keeping things in perspective and whatever happens, i will not get too caught up with the immediate concerns and worries! this is just a small dent in the journey of my life and there's so much He has in store as I give of myself for His purposes!

will update with testimonies soon :)

central coast

2008-11-25T22:48:00.003+10:00

this was a great trip! what an amazing team we had- definitely all chosen and brought together by God for a purpose! we just flowed so well together and everyone was just on the ball and so willing in doing whatever was necessary so it wasn't much required in leading :) really appreciate and thank God for all of you!

there were plenty of great moments- though we did work hard and it was quite draining, we had a ton of fun while we were there: crazy night drive to a krispy kreme drivethru and to a beach/lake/waterfront? which was really beautiful, drive to sydney just for bubble tea, our one cd that we must have played at least 20 times, watching the castle and playing risk, all the classic moments and team phrases... all the pay outs and love shared :) definitely stuff that we will always remember.

i think we all agreed that it was a huge eye-opener and learning experience. there's so much we learnt about church planting, adapting to culture, stepping out in faith, etc etc, from danny and christine (aww!) and i'm so so grateful that i had the opportunity to actually sit down with them one afternoon (third wheel!) and ask quite a few questions. they shared really honestly about challenges they face, about how God called them and how they responded, even about how God brought them together haha, and i think we were all super blessed by their faith, obedience and passion for the Great Commission. God is stirring a new thing there, He is definitely building His church and i can't wait to see what's in store! may God continue to strengthen and empower them!

God really spoke to me once again about the Great Commission and our vision. it was eye-opening to actually be out there in the missionfield, to have eyes opened to the broken-ness and depravity of the place, to feel God's heartbeat for the lost. personally there were a number of things God stirred my heart about, and I was challenged to step out in faith and out of my comfort zone.

God, continue to enlarge my heart and my vision for your world, for your people.

prayers of a 22 year old :)

2008-11-19T02:40:00.004+10:00

i just woke up after going to bed early because i was feeling unusually tired tonight, also unusually not feeling the best in spirit and then, after having an unusually not very pleasant dream, and so now I'M WIDE AWAKE to fight and pray and prepare!!! but this is always a good sign that the day (and trip) ahead is going to be BIG and AWESOME!

wow. super major thanks to my housemates who surprised me at 12am- i was a bit dazed because i was sleeping hahaha but nevertheless, i really do appreciate it! (i don't know what i said or did, hopefully i DID show my appreciation before i laid back down in bed) you guys are the best! love you babes!

thanks to everyone who have really blessed me already with calls, messages, cards, gifts, facebooked, etc, and are going to as the day progresses- i really thank God for every single one of you, appreciate you guys and love you all! will do my best to reply and thank you all today or when i get back!

so yeah WOW. i'm officially 22!!! and how am i spending it? well, the best way- i'm going on an awesome missions trip to new south wales- ourimbah (mostly) and newcastle today!!!! please keep our team in prayer- we are going to learn heaps!

thank you Lord for the past wonderful 21 years that you have given me! thank you for all you've done!
wonderful God! you deserve all my love, my praise and my everything!

thank you God for the opportunity to serve you and go on this life changing trip as i start a new year with you!
thank you God for who you are to me. thank you for the privilege to have the greatest relationship on earth or in heaven, to be able to call you my father, my saviour, my redeemer, my best friend, my lover, my healer, my comforter, my rock, and so so so much more.
thank you that you loved me long before i knew you. thank you Jesus that you thought of me on the cross, and because of your sacrifice i have a new life, a new spirit, the power of your Holy Spirit and the promise of eternity with you.
thank you God for your Word. thank you for its transforming and life-giving power. thank you for the truth that sets me free and is a light to my path. thank you for giving me the opportunity to study and understand your Word, and to see it change my life and the lives of so many others.
thank you for giving me this life. thank you for a beautiful family who love me and give me strength and are always there for me. thank you for friends who spur me on, encourage me, who are a joy to walk this journey with.
thank you for the little joys in life that make me smile and warm my heart, people who you bring along my path, little miracles that you do... thank you even for the times that things don't go my way, and the things that make me cry; the people and experiences that have helped me grow and show me your heart and make me more thankful.
thank you for so many other things that you have given, done, blessed me with... my thanks cannot express how grateful i am.

i pray that in the coming year, you will help me go deeper into your inner courts, to seek you, to dwell in your presence, and to fall deeper in love with you each day.
i pray that you will help me be a better steward of all you reveal and give me (please help me!), that i will be able to have greater revelations and understanding of your will and your heart and to be your vessel and mouthpiece.
i pray that you will help me grow in a deeper love for your Word, and your church. that the Holy Spirit will help me unlock truths in your Word. that you will help me to understand and have the same kind of love, investment and sacrifice for your church that Jesus had.
i pray that you will help me grow in humility and single-mindedness and determination to know you and to make you known.
i pray that you will help me grow to have a deeper fear of you and that i will glorify you in all that i do and that you would reign in every single area of my life.
God, use my hands and my feet. use my thoughts, my emotions, my words. continue to mould and prepare me to be a part of your royal priesthood, holy nation, spotless bride. help me to walk in your righteousness and in a greater level of holiness and integrity.
help me to bring you pleasure and to put a smile on your face in every single moment.

above all else, my prayer that i will repeat the rest of my life, is always to be a woman after your heart.
take this new year of life that you have given me, take this heart, and make it yours once again.

random rant

2008-11-16T00:43:00.005+10:00

wow. pharm grad night 2008. i think my heart was really wrecked tonight. it was an "emotionally charged" night and i came home pretty... unsettled.

just seeing everything that happened tonight, i feel burdened by the realization of how much people need God. how much i really need to live my life in light of how i have been chosen. to be His salt and light, to be His ambassador. to be the godly influence He wants me to be.

i think tonight also brought back so many painful memories. it stirred within me a righteous anger again about how we should live and behave in the light of eternity. with purpose, with value, and not abusing your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit! it broke my heart when i saw the scenes and was reminded of the life of my late uncle too.

i guess i haven't been out much :) i haven't seen so many people my age so tipsy and drunk my entire life i think. i think i also feel more and more like a mum sometimes, and encountered interesting situations i never expected tonight.
though it was a memorable night, there were many chords that struck in my heart and i wish i knew what i could do to change this entire perspective, change culture, change hearts.

happy birthday dearest daddy

2008-11-12T10:38:00.006+10:00

a great source of strength and stability in my life is my DADDY.

i believe God has really used you greatly to speak timely words of wisdom and insight at many crossroads and important points of my life.

i really appreciate and am grateful for those many times that you have willingly and unbegrudgingly picked and dropped me off :) your selflessness because you hardly ever complained, even sometimes when you have to come out all the way from home, sometimes late in the evening, because of your concern for my safety, yet balanced by your willingness to trust me and let me have my fun... have always given me that valuable breathing space when i needed it most.

those many conversations in the car, where you share with me your depth of experience, your opinions, your convictions, have always been much cherished.

you've always been honest with me, yet gentle, telling me what you thought in your loving, patient way, subtly at times even, helping me to reason things through and see things from a less self-centred and more godly perspective... always telling me to put myself in the other person's shoes, to give them benefit of the doubt- what generous and wise counsel.

you are that stable influence upon our family. you are very fun loving and easy going, yet hardly ever say things rashly without thinking, you try your best not to say things when you know you are affected by emotions, yet you have such a spontaneous and fun side! i believe you have many strengths of a sanguine and melancholic! haha..

your "cool" random dances when coming up the stairs and us kids are watching the tv, have never failed to amuse me! the "funny" jokes to lighten the atmosphere, and how you amuse yourself, i always appreciate and love.

i still remember when you were letting bex and i practice driving- and you were patiently (mostly) giving us pointers, and i still remember what you said to this day- it may make no sense to anyone else, but it was PROFOUND for me at the time. "remember, YOU control the car, don't let it control you. don't be afraid of it!"
i will ALWAYS remember the first time you and mum let me drive out by myself, your wisdom in letting me learn for myself and deciding to trust me. i am always grateful for that trust! but most of all, i am grateful for your wisdom when you came to comfort me after it didn't go so well and i scratched the car... that you didn't say anything, but opened your arms wide for me to run to (while trying to suppress your laughter because i was so distraught). i think that was one of the greatest expressions of care and love because you had the wisdom to not even scold me but to encourage and tell me not to worry. i think from THAT i learnt the most.

i will also always remember the time after a certain incident when you came into my room the next day and sat me down. you told me honestly that you were disappointed in my lack of wisdom on a certain matter, and you explained why, but you reassured me of your belief and trust in me to learn and grow. as i look back now with more maturity and understanding, i realize that that incident has really contributed in my desired to live my life according to Biblical standards, upholding God's word and raising the bar so as not just to please God and be right in my heart but also to think of how my actions affect others.

your desire to spoil and bless me has also won my heart. you know when to give in, and to be generous. i think you have offered to buy me things many times even when i did not want anything!

i also appreciate how you desire to understand and love me. to encourage me to be all that i can be, to encourage me to do my best yet tell me not to be too hard on myself. you have hardly ever doubted my decisions, and even when i am wrong, you give me advice, share with me your thoughts, and have always encouraged me to think things through better. your belief and trust in us have helped all of us come a long way!

most of all, i appreciate how you love mummy.
i will always remember how you said "if i could do it, i would marry her all over again." i believe that i have really learnt so much from observing your marriage.
you really do complement her, in so many ways. it's amazing how you both talk about practically everything. like how i just need to tell one parent and i know both will know and talk it through. how you will both agree on a decision and then it will be usually quite difficult to change it. i am always inspired by how you have tried your best to understand mum, how she thinks, to do your best to encourage her in growth and change, and how you are faithful to stand by her, and many times even when i am right after a disagreement, you've told me not to shift the blame or to fight but to grow in my attitudes, generosity, grace and patience. at the same time, you'll do your best to reason it with mum and to tell her too to reconsider her actions!

it's not perfect, as no one will ever be perfect, but you are the best godly husband for mum and father for our family!

through you and mum's example, i have learnt much- both the good and bad, about raising a godly family and having a godly marriage. thank you for trying and living as an example to your family and friends, of a God-fearing man, husband, father, leader.

thank you so much daddy for your love and belief in me, and our family. thank you so much for your faith in God, and for so much more. happy birthday. i love you.

on the go already

2008-11-09T12:41:00.006+10:00

wow. it still hasn't sunk in. everytime someone asks me, "how does it feel to be graduated?" all i can say is... i don't know. it HASN'T sunk in. it all still feels so surreal. i wish i had a month or two (i don't ask for much, right?) for it to sink in, but haha! in about 3 weeks i start work. and there are a crazy amount of things steadily piling up on the list. the next few weeks are going to be a whirlwind. in a good way :) i already had a full day yesterday!

if i could ask for something right now, besides all the spiritual answers haha, i would say let me disappear on a holiday by myself somewhere. somewhere where i can walk slowly, watch the world go by, smile and sing to myself, think aloud, scribble stuff down as God speaks, sit down and read a book for hours without interruption!

i think before i get caught up in the hype i'm gonna disappear one of these days and spend some serious date time with God! so let's pray for good weather... :)

i keep replaying the 4 years (on fast play x4 haha) in my head and it's just crazy! what i've learnt, the mistakes i've made, the things i wish i could erase or solve, how my convictions have changed so much... and i'm turning 22 in less than 2 weeks! oh man oh man. when i turned 21 i felt old.. i mean matured! now with graduation looming too, i seriously think i've grown up (and i'm old! did i say that earlier?)

once again God, i need fresh vision. i need to revisit my dreams. i need to get myself aligned again for another take off.

i'm not entirely sure about what God has in store, but i do know this... He has been, and always is! really good. but yeah He hasn't been slowly building my faith and trust in Him for nothing. He hasn't been softening my heart (on a lot of stubborn idealistic expectations even!) for no reason. He always has PURPOSE! (sneaky sneaky) i know He's been getting me to exercise those spiritual muscles in preparation for something... and i know it's gonna be scary, but good.

the end and a beginning

2008-11-08T00:36:00.003+10:00

i must write it down! it really is one of those days i'll remember forever.

we were just writing till our hands and fingers hurt, so i had no time to be emotional or to think, and when i heard the words "your time is up, put your pens down", it was indescribable. i think i was dazed. once i closed my booklets and sat there, the first thing i thought was "thank You God! i made it!"

4 years. 4 crazy long years! i can't believe it! the person who i was when i stepped into brisbane... to who i am today... wow! i don't think i recognize her! :) praise God!

the next things that came to my mind were "have i made a mark in my 4 years? have i done everything You wanted me to? did i make a change?"
i'm not sure... that part of me wishes my time wasn't up!

i'm feeling SO many things! i'm thinking ABOUT so many things! i don't think i'll be sleeping much tonight!

on a random note, i can finally be online on msn...

this marks the end of a chapter. this also marks a beginning.

did you eat today?

2008-10-31T22:27:00.004+10:00

EACH NIGHT MORE THAN 300 MILLION CHILDREN GO TO BED HUNGRY.

FOUR CHILDREN DIE FROM HUNGER EVERY 30 SECONDS.

An emerging global food crisis threatens to widen this tragedy by forcing an additional 100 million people into extreme poverty.
Knowing that children are going without food for one day is bad enough, but knowing that, because of the global food crisis, children are going without food for days on end is simply too hard to stomach.
Here in Australia we may be feeling the pinch of having to pay a few cents more for petrol and food, but it is those who already struggle to live on less than a dollar a day that are paying the worst price of all—the inability to feed their children.- Compassion Australia

today i forgot to eat until 5pm (because my head was buried in pharming) but after reading this... i'm not sure i even feel like eating anymore. the leftovers i threw in the bin today... who could it have fed??? am i so comfortable, do i take it for granted?

are you wondering, like i am, what we can do practically, besides feel their pain?

well, it's simple...

1. you can join a 30 days fast and pray campaign

Intercede for those affected. Give up a meal, food for a day or even more and feel the hunger pangs that millions experience for days on end.

2. you can donate

Donate the money you would normally spend on food—or other activities that you choose to fast from towards, and release children from poverty in Jesus' name. (coffee? bubble tea? chocolate? sushi? aaahhh)

what it said in the calendar hit me hard- " In God’s economy there is always more than enough and He is always faithful when we (His people, His church- the ANSWER to this fallen world's problems) pray, fast, give and share with generous and joyful hearts."

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?” Isaiah 58:6-7

super very convicting!!! all the more i know as i step into the next chapter of my life, and i was just getting some advice and calculating out things etc etc... starting to feel a bit like WHOA, and now realizing and feeling SUPER convicted that i should be a good steward with all i have. but today made me realize too, i don't want to be so worried about it all but be prudent (yes the word of the week!) and then to practically ask God, what can i do with what you have given me? how can i give, how can i bless?

"...For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."...
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:35-40

update!

2008-10-31T00:05:00.005+10:00

hiya! :)

it's less than a week to go until i am (prayerfully) sitting for my last exams in UQ as a pharmer!
time is passing real quickly, and i must give thanks to God because i think i've been a little more motivated this time round... maybe it is the thought of graduation, and studying in a conducive atmosphere... would love to get more things done but things are progressing!

i've realized how much i love looking forward to things! i am really excited by the prospect of change, new beginnings, new challenges, new starts! i really realized how much i love it- but though i think i am a bit of a contradiction because i like exciting new change but i also love the mundane faithful routine (self amusement is my forte! and so is randomness and waffling as you can tell) but anyway for example, how much i love packing before a trip (i was pretty much all packed a month in advance when i was coming to australia!) and that when i got here i was only homesick about a day because i was too excited!

so i am excited though still a bit dazed that i am going to move on to a new chapter of my life so soon! i am super excited about all the things happening at the end of the year (though not looking forward to all the things i have to sort out)- graduation, conference, mission trip, starting work, c4k, family visiting, christmas, new year... new starts, new plans, new ideas, new challenges, new vision... sigh of contentment :) all the new things make me soooo so excited! God has already begun speaking to me about what He has in store and what He is doing and wants to do in my own heart and life... and it's like wow! so many things to seek God about, so many things to do!

anyway, i pray that you are as excited by change and the endless possibilities of what God wants to and can do in our lives- so that we will embrace change and be ready to flow with God and ride on His waves- but as i always have to remind myself, let's not be too enamoured by tomorrow that we don't make full use of today!

is He enough?

2008-10-21T18:04:00.006+10:00

i've been pondering over the past weeks about what God has in store for me; about the possibilities of this and that, where my life is heading, and next steps, and how to improve, how to grow, what to do, etc etc etc... and as i keep coming before God, i keep feeling the prompting of the Holy Spirit just to lay everything down and to sit at His feet.

once again amongst the gentle whispers i heard the simple question "am I enough?"

it made me search myself:

how much of my focus is directed to the things of God, and not to God Himself?

i'm reaching that age where everyone around me is moving on. building careers, relationships, families even, adding to material wealth, following their calling, next chapters of their lives... i tell myself it's normal to wonder about being left behind, right?

even as i seek God, and lay my concerns at His feet, and want to use my life for noble purposes and whatever He has in store, i know He always brings me to the point and asks, if everything i want is stripped away, what are the motives of my heart?

If Jesus was all I had, would Jesus be enough for me?

" The call of the Lord is not more important than the Lord of the call. The work of the Lord must not replace the Lord of the work. No amount of ministering FOR the Lord will make up for a lack of ministering TO the Lord. And knowing the Word of God does not necessarily mean that we know the God of the Word.

Everyone wants to go and do something for God, but few people are willing to stay and do "nothing" for Him. "

" When apostles love church planting and mission work more than Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When prophets love their prophecies, dreams, and visions more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When evangelists love traveling, preaching, and holding meetings more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When pastors love their church services and building programs more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When teachers love their teachings more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When preachers love their preaching more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When ministers love their ministry more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When musicians love their music more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

When writers love their writings more than they love Jesus, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough.

And when the simplest disciples grow tired of "just" being with Jesus, and begin to long for something bigger, something better, something greater, something more powerful, something other than what they have in Jesus already, then they are saying that Jesus is not enough. "

Remember what it was like to hear His Voice, to be so filled with passion and love for Him, that you wanted nothing more than to sit at His feet, and hear His Word.

Remember when you were so infatuated with Him that you did not want to do anything else.

Remember what it was like to just be with Jesus.

Go back to when Jesus first called you to be with Him.

Go back to the time when all you had was Him.

Go back to the time before you were planting churches, speaking prophetic words, preaching to the unsaved, pastoring the congregation, teaching the people, or leading worship.

Go back to the time when there was no work, no ministry, no vision, no special calling - except Jesus calling you to be with Him.

Revelation 4

1After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, "Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this."
2At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it.
3And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian. A rainbow, resembling an emerald, encircled the throne.
4Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads.
5From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. Before the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits of God.
6Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal. In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back.
7The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle.
8Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."
9Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever,
10the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
11"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."

they laid down their crowns.
they laid down everything. they laid down what made them who they were. their position, status, call, vision, burdens, hopes, fears; they laid down their crowns.

so that they may come, as they are, before the throne of the Most High, to give Him the glory and honour and power that He deserves, and draw near to God.

i'm laying down my crowns and drawing near to Jesus... because indeed He is enough. and to dwell in His presence, to seek His face, is more important than any call, plans, dreams, concerns, or things i need to do or become.

an important question

2008-10-18T15:46:00.005+10:00

i have a very important question sparked by the game at sunita's surprise today

where do you press your toothpaste?

the top... the easiest
the middle... who cares? wherever is most convenient!
the bottom... getting everything all the way up every single time!

i believe this important question shows us a lot about our personality and character!
can you think why? :D

and another important question is...

would you be willing to share your toothpaste everyday with someone who presses it differently?

maybe this applies more to those perfectionist particular people haha! ...OCD?

when i was younger...because both our rooms are connected to the same adjoining bathroom, my sister and i shared the same toothpaste until one day i got so annoyed that she never listened to my request of pushing from the bottom, that my parents had to buy my sister and i each our own toothpastes (and we liked different flavours)!

i think God has grown me to be more patient and flexible since then... prayerfully :)

what i do now when friends use my toothpaste is not complain but just push it up again properly the next time i use it hah!

shows you a lot about your character doesn't it?

what kind of person am i?

2008-10-18T15:19:00.002+10:00

ahh personality crisis! (btw yeah thanks everyone for Miss Personality hehe... it's one of those things i honestly felt quite embarrassed and undeserving about. had to remind myself: must be grateful (and not annoyed), and must be humble (and not let it get to my head- who i am does not matter as much as who GOD is)!)

anyway, saw an interesting personality site.

i found it pretty difficult to decide between which i was! like i think i am BOTH an extrovert and an introvert! and i am BOTH a perceiver and judger! and a thinker and feeler! but okay i'm more intuitive....

i guess i really do find it hard to categorize myself, as i think i may have a few personalities... (split personality!) i suppose one of them IS an engaged idealist- because i do see parts of myself in there!

Engaged Idealist (EI)

Engaged Idealists are extroverted and helpful. Others find them to be very congenial and inspiring - especially as they are always willing to see the best in the other person. Their humour, their energy and their optimism attract other people. Engaged Idealists are very good at communicating and are good at convincing and firing on others. That is why it is a matter of course that they often take over the leading role in groups. This personality type often produces very charismatic persons.

Engaged Idealists have an unusually strong ability to empathise. They are tolerant and generous towards others; they sometimes tend to idealise their friends. They always try to suit everybody and want their relationships to be harmonious and satisfactory. To achieve this, they are prepared to invest a great deal and to put their requirements last. As Engaged Idealists are very considerate, there is the danger of them sacrificing and overexerting themselves for others. In their job, they therefore have to be very careful not to develop a burnout syndrome.

Engaged Idealists are reliable, well organised and love structuring complicated situations. They have difficulty accepting criticism; they quickly feel hurt and misunderstood. Their perfectionism also influences their love life - they look for the perfect relationship for life. Once they have made their decision, they are faithful, well-balanced and loving partners. However, should they get involved with the wrong person, it can happen that they allow themselves to be exploited for a long time before they end the relationship.

truly His grace! (warning- long post!)

2008-10-09T13:35:00.008+10:00

here i am sitting in the library and i'm midway typing up some logs and an important huge prac report due next week...
anyway, my nose is feeling super congested too (hayfeversmaypever) but i think it is time i testify of God's super duper wonderful grace in my life!

He truly is my Jehovah Jireh, my provider, my faithful friend and father, my best friend. many times in this season i think i really have been thinking through things too much and weighing out all my options and back up plans, etc... rather than simply trusting and living to know His heart and to put a smile on His face. :)

recently i reached a major crossroad and i've had to (and still have to! getting older ohnoooo) make some pretty important decisions and it has been an incredibly exciting faith-challenging time! next year i have to do a year of training after i graduate in order to get registered as a pharmacist. so the past two months or so i was rocking up to pharmacies and sending out as many resumes as i can.

i remember starting a draft end of august after i spent about 4 hours travelling to and from a pharmacy for a job interview. it was kinda fun and exciting!
anyway, to cut a long story short, almost immediately i got offered a position. (despite the odds against me like the fact that i showed up late for the interview! i know...shameful but could not be helped) it seemed like God showed favour upon me as everything was just so smooth-sailing.

it appeared to be the answer to everything i'd asked God for.. except for one thing- it was located quite a distance away. unless i decided to move i'd be commuting quite a fair bit every day.

i was almost convinced that i should take it and just figure things out- drive everyday, or move southside. plus i hadn't any other job offers or interviews lined up. but i did not have that peace when i considered accepting it, as i knew for the next season at least i'd still be called to serve in the student ministry. and it wasn't a simple right or wrong answer that my trusted counsellors could advise and help me to make. i had to seek God and it was an interesting two days.

the next two days i kept weighing things out. i would learn heaps at this nice pharmacy and it really seemed like God had opened doors for me as i had no other options at that point. however due to the commuting, my time for ministry would be seriously compromised and if i moved i would definitely not be as effective. if i gave up the job, i'd have no guarantees of another, much less one that would be nearer and better. i'd have to trust God to provide. eventually i really felt challenged by God. would i be willing to trust Him and give up this potentially great job because it would seriously affect the effectiveness of my ministry? would i put my faith in Him, really learn want it means to live out my faith and not take things into my own hands? and once that night i'd decided, i really felt a peace and in my heart i knew i'd made the right decision.

the exact day i told them i would have to turn down the offer, i received a call asking if i would be interested to come in for an interview. this time, it was at a pharmacy at a MUCH near suburb.

God is amazing! PRAISE GOD!!!

however, this is not the end of the story. i'd love to tell you that i got the job straight after, but God took me on almost a month-long journey of trusting Him and painful character moulding.
it was a time where God tested my motives and my integrity. i had to work at the pharmacy so that they could see how i worked, my personality, my experience, my confidence... etc etc. it was a real rollercoaster ride because at first i was told that i was the preferred candidate. then they were considering another of my coursemates (we even worked together on one day so that we could be compared) and at that point i knew it was out of my hands.

i committed myself to God, and vowed that i would be true to my convictions at all costs. at first i struggled not to make it a competition, or to think of myself better than everyone else but to be secure in my identity as a child of God, and be myself. i determined to do what was right, uphold God's standards and stand by my beliefs in Him and commitments to His house but i think i was really broken at one point, (hand in hand with some other issues) and i was really humbled. so i asked God to open the right door for me as i surrendered and just waited on Him.

after about 4 weeks, i was sat down and offered the job. i was the preferred candidate in the end!

hallelujah! God is really faithful!!! that day God had spoken to me and as He challenged me to grow in my fear of God above man, He reassured me as i headed down to the pharmacy so i went in with much peace. they even commented that i seemed SO relaxed and not nervous!

really, this was ALL about GOD. it's crazy how i received favour from the pharmacy and when they actually told me that they liked my personality the most, i was so humbled. i knew it was nothing that i had done, not because of who i am or how nice i seem, but because of His grace. when i know how much i struggled in my heart and in my motives i am so humbled. i know that He has taken me far but He has shown me the true conditions of my heart and how much more He wants to mould my character. i am humbled because i know He has given me this opportunity and tremendous responsiblity to shine, to reach out and be a testimony of His grace and His love when i work there next year!
i've learnt so much about who God is. i've learnt so much about learning to wait upon Him and not taking things into my own hands. i've learnt to step out in faith and surrender for the sake of His call and what He has placed in my hands. i have SO much more to learn but this has been such a wonderful journey!

there have been so many other wonderful little testimonies of His amazing grace.
i felt i did SO horribly for a presentation this semester (based on my 4 week placement) in comparison to last semester's presentation because i had much less time to prepare, but i got much much better marks! now truly, it was crazy! really really God's grace!!!
i needed a few things in the post for my job and everytime i prayed and asked God, i would get it the NEXT day- my work visa, my TFN. God's grace!!!

i've really been so blessed. but i don't just want His blessings and His grace. I don't want to be an Israelite who just sought for God's hand- but i truly want to seek His heart and to put that smile on His face and know the deepest things on His heart, and be living in every waking moment for His glory and for His purposes. so praise God for His grace!!! but i pray may i continue to learn to wait upon Him and to be a woman after His heart.

what a holiday

2008-10-03T00:36:00.004+10:00

praise the Lord!!! He is really really really so gracious and good!

my super long testimony is finally coming to an end- share it soooon!

got back before dinner from a super luxurious holiday where we were pampered to no end!
went for a night at the gold coast with becky, cassy and clara- we were planning to bunk in one room in a new service apartment called the meriton.

but it was SO nice beyond our expectations and so beautifully comfortable! and we got a free upgrade!

last night we got dressed up for a nice dinner, strolled along surfer's at the night markets, went to the arcade and played mini golf (another life goal ticked off hahaha), dodgem/bumper cars and DDR (in our heels!) and soaked our feet in the tub while drinking bubbly (sparkling haha!)!
we had a nice swim in the indoor pool and jacuzzi this morning, sat in the sauna for a bit, and went shopping before we came home!

now that was a super relaxing and pampering night away! :)

sing to the Lord

2008-10-01T09:52:00.003+10:00

my new favourite song- it's been on repeat the whole morning, more than 20 times it has been playing! i can't imagine what it would be like to be there singing with the rest of the congregation!

i can't wait for our church's 15th Anniversary this saturday! with 1000 people... i'll still have a taste of what it will be like in the future... and can you imagine it in heaven???

proclaiming "every tribe and tongue, lift your voice as one, He is greatly to be praised" ... wow

JG advance 2008

2008-09-29T07:35:00.004+10:00

over the weekend the leaders and core team of the student ministry in the Afternoon service went off to Mount Tamborine and it was absolutely fantastic! we packed out the campsite and there were about 90 of us! i think it's pretty exciting to see how much the service and leadership team has grown because there were even a few people that i had never spoken to before :-)

this year's theme was "Moving with the Mover."
the presence of God was so evident in every session and from the very first night the Holy Spirit stirred many hearts. we had an impartation and practical session on moving in the Spirit on Friday night, and i was just so convicted once again about having a lifestyle of prayer, and obedience to the Holy Spirit to work with Him in accomplishing God's will through our lives! I think it is so exciting when we think about the church moving more with the Spirit of God. as we heard that night, the Holy Spirit opens up new dimensions in His church and we move beyond the natural and we move with GOD!!!

saturday morning brought another practical session about moving with God to bridge the gap between cultures and nations. i think God placed a fresh burden on many hearts, including mine, that His heart is for all the nations! i feel so challenged to step beyond my comfort zone and continuing to go the extra mile! i really believe that God reminded each of us that His love transcends all borders, all races, and all cultures!

for saturday night's session i had the opportunity to play the keyboard and serve alongside travon, lem and mel. i'm far from the best keys player and i've only played a few times before in lifegroup for praise and worship, so i was honoured, excited and yeah i was super nervous! praise God for such a supportive and anointed team and i really had fun though i don't think i was as confident as i could have been! (i must practice practice practice!)
the biggest highlight for me was having the opportunity to be used by God as a minister that night. i remember looking up occasionally and every time when i looked at the sea of faces and hands lifted up, i really had to stop myself from crying and mucking up even more! the next day when people were sharing about how God really moved and changed them, i really felt so overwhelmed. like wow! i got to serve and be a part of what God was doing. despite how it wasn't very smooth (mostly my fault) the Spirit of God moved and His presence was there. it is comforting and challenging at the same time to know that God moves despite my flaws and mistakes! God even ministered to me as i was playing. that was definitely one of the best moments. i would have done it again and again, just to have the privilege of being part of and seeing God move in people's lives. now that is motivation enough to keep playing!

that night i also had the opportunity to be ministered to after the session was closed and i really thank God for speaking through one of the super anointed leaders!
this weekend God spoke directly into my heart and into my situations. i believe He really re-aligned my heart with His once again and as i spent that time away with Him, refreshed me to keep running hard for His purpose in my life and His church and this world once again. He revealed to me that many times i have thought through my options in many areas of my life that are precious to me with my own wisdom rather than really being open to Him and waiting on Him to open the right doors. so i had to surrender those areas to Him!

i am really looking forward to seeing what He is going to do in and through us as we move with the Mover!

more on the sat night session later... :)

hello! :)

2008-09-20T19:22:00.004+10:00

since rach nominated me (aww so sweet!), i realize how long it's been since i've blogged!

i have a long post that i've been working on that i will eventually publish. :) it's my testimony about what God has been doing in my life the past month or two.

this adventure has not reached a conclusion yet but when it has- i'll share with you about God's amazing timing and faithfulness in my life and His continued moulding process in my heart! :)

so until then- let's keep exalting God and glorifying Him above all else!